BEC名师点评作文（12）
BEC商务英语考试在现在的考试形式占有重要的地位，当今社会不论是学生还是职场人都在努力的奋斗这提升自己的能力和晋升的空间，那么我们该怎么样复习好BEC英语呢!
我觉得用中文写一篇高质量的图表说明文很不简单，何况用英文，必须对图表的总体特征、主要对象走势、最大值、最小值、转折点等关键点做出简明扼要的陈述。好在说明文相对比较机械，还是有规律可循。我对课堂资料进行了一番整理，总结出一些常用句型和词汇，背诵了几篇范文，很快就上手了。下面是一些老师的点评，希望对大家有所帮助。
作文题目
Your department needs to recruit more staff.Your line manager wants you to write a reportexplaining your requirements and commenting onrecruitment methods.
Look at the information below, on which youhave already made some handwritten notes.
Then, using all your handwritten notes, writeyour report.
Write 120-140 words.
老师对本期网友作文总体点评：
大部分同学的问题比较集中
1. 审题不细致，题目没有要求的，写了很多，这就浪费了篇幅;
2. 句子顾前不顾后，前后时态，时间矛盾;
3. 词汇基本功有待加强;
4. 没有商务背景，作文中的句子空洞，没有实际意义;
5. 用了很多主观态度的句子。
本期作文范文参考：
Report on staff recruitment
As our company is developing several new products, the department of R&D needsnew staff urgently to help design and monitor our products.
Thus we need to recruit 35 new staff, including electrical engineers and product developers.All of them should have at least two years ' experience in relevant field. More specificrequirements will finally be decided in a few days.
As to recruitment methods, the disadvantage of relying on recruitment agency is that weneed more time and procedure than we can afford. So I suggest we turn to a more direct wayof Newspaper advertisement, which has been used many times and proved effective.
Comparing the two newspaper, Echo and Chronicle, we prefer the former because though itcharges ￡500 more than the latter, the general readers are 400,000 more, most of whom arehighly-educated.
We are sure to get reply soon after we launch the recruitment campaign.
网友作文一：
As the new project will be set off this year, our department needs to recruit 35 newemplyees[1]. The new staffs[2] shall have ability including innovation, teamwork, hard-working,goo manner.[3]
There exists three ways to recruit new staffs[2]: Newspaper(Echo)advertisments,Recurimet agency, Online recuriment.All of them have its advantages anddisadvantages, so we shall use all of them to assure high-qualified staffs can see theinformation. [4]For the Recuriment agency, the efficiency is low but it probably can offergood[5] qulified people. WHy i chose echo instead of Chronic as it has much more readers withonly five hundred dollors higher.
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[1]拼写是BEC作文中很重要的给分原则。
[2]基本词汇不过关，staff 是集合名词，不用复数
[3]这看起来是招聘广告上的东西吧，很抽象。审题要看懂要求，what type of staff 是指要招聘什么部门的员工。
[4]废话一句，可以去掉。题目要求是写出recruitment agency 的缺点，当然任何一种招聘方式都各有优缺，所以直接写disadvantage 。
[5]去掉，形容词怎么能修饰形容词
网友作文二：
Dear Paddy, [1]
Now our company has already put into a right path. I think[2] we should build an[3]complete organization in order to lead our company to obtain better and longer development. [4] So we need recruite 35 new staff allocated in 4 departments.
Please check the following list:
Dept. No. Duty
Personnel Dept. 2 Staff Management
Marketing Dept. 5 Marketing research and plan
QC Dept. 5 Control the quality of products
Sales Dept. 20 Product promotion in domestic
International business Dept. 3 Product promotion overseas[5]
Regarding with possible recruitment methods, there are the following three:
1) Recruitment agency.
The method is the best popular way in market. But considering that the cost is muchhigher, I don't suggest we adopt it.
2) Newspaper advertisement
It is a economical method compared with the first one. Though we used many timesbefore,it also could enlarges the popalarity of our company.
3) Online recruitment [6]
It is the best economical method.But it has large limits.And couldn't have the interviewface to face.
So after the comparison, I think the second way is most suitable for us. Now I have twochoice in Newspaper. One is Echo, the other is Chronicle. Numbers sold each day of Echo is600,000, and cost of advertisement is just 2500. But The numbers sold each day of Chronicleis 200,000, less than the first, and cost of 2000 is not cheap. Echo could let more readers knowthis recruition of our company.lSo Echo is our best choice.
How about your considering?
I am awaiting for your advice.
Best wishes,
Jerry [7]
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[1]这不是写信，怎么有称呼
[2]报告中没有主观的表达，去掉
[3]这是什么?
[4]原因不具体，公司至于为了长久发展招聘员工?
[5]这占了报告很大一部分，喧宾夺主了。
[6]跑题了，考题中并没有让考生陈述各个招聘方式的优缺。
[7]这不是报告的格式，整体结构错误
网友作文三：
With the increasing of our new market in New York, our department needs to recruit 35new staffs in sales area. Totally, there are three ways to recruit our new staff, by recruitmentagency, Online recruitment or Newspaper advertisement. I don't think the way of recruitment bythe agency which will take high cost for each new staff of all 35 staffs is a good one. [1]
And I suggest our recruitment should be done through the Newspaper advertisement that weused many times before.
There are two major local newspapers- Echo and Chronicle, which (we can choose for ourrecruiment).[2] The Echo has an average sale mumber of 600,000 each day comparing with thatof 200,000 of Chronicle. [3]
Needless to say we should choose Echo because we can let three times readers more thanChronicle's know our recruitment advertisment using almost the same money of 2000 pounds.
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[1]句子逻辑不清楚, 改为：the disadvantage of using recruitment agency is it is not cost-effective.
[2]去掉
[3]重要原因没有陈述，BEC中一直都很在意的，成本。
网友作文四：
Report on Staff Recruitment
Our products have taken a big business market[1] last year and the business orders tendto increase. In order to meet production requirements, we need to recruit 35 workers at thebegin[2] of the coming year.
There are usually three recruiting methods now, namely Recruitment agency, onlinerecruitment and Newspaper advertisement. I propose to use Newspaper advertisement. As youknow[3] it is high cost to recruit worker by Recruitment agency and few workers find jobthrough internet[4], so both of them are[5] not suit for worker recruitment. There are twopopular newspapers now -Echo and Chronicle. I think the Echo is better than Chroniclebecause it has 600,000 pieces sold each day though it cost $500 higher than the latter. It isworth of it.
_________________________________________
[1]market share
[2]Beginning
[3]报告类文章谁是读者?怎么主语会用you?
[4]去掉，考题要求中没有提。
[5]改为：do
网友作文五：
Recruitment report
Since our company made a coorperation with the IBM,our department needs to recruit 35new staffs, so that we could get the work done. The new staffs includes[1] project manager,accountant, translator, and client manager.
I don't think to get a Recruitment agency is good choice. Because the agency just don'tunderstand[2] what we really want. And they all demand a great deal of money. I still thinkthat Newspaper advertisement is the most efficient way to get people we really like[3].
Echo, as we know,sold 600000 newspapers every single day[4], and it cost $2500,for anadvertisement.Chronicle, takes $2000 for an advertisement[5]. Despite[6] it less than Echo with$500,however,Chronicle just sold 200000 newspapers everyday, that far far behind Echo.
Therefore,I think Echo is a better choice.
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[1]矛盾了，改掉一个
[2]同上
[3]Need
[4]句子前后矛盾
[5]和前句重复
[6]Despite 是个介词
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