2008年6月四六级热点话题作文
Outline:
1.眼下大学生在外租房居住的现象十分普遍；
2.对比分析在外租房居住和在学校的利弊；
3.我的看法.
On College Students’ Renting House off Campus
新东方4级班Jessie同学的原版作文
It is normal that the college students rent house off campus at present. There are many reasons they do it. Although their behavior is supported by their different ideas, I find the thing which they feel is reasonable has advantages and disadvantages, either. Now I will show them as follows:
On one hand, I think the advantages about living off campus is we can have a very quiet circumstance to achieve our daily work. Besides, the convenience devices and life condition could make us live comfortably. On the other hand, by the way, I can list many disadvantages of leaving off college. Rarely do we have the time(only 4 years) being studied in the university, if we rent the house off campus, we will lost the golden time when we lead the vivid life span with roommates together. What is more, the parents will be worried about the students who study, and live without college’s atmosphere, and I feel we should learn in campus where has many useful information help us to study, and find a satisfactory job.
To sum up, I think the disadvantage overweight the other one. In my opinion, the students need not to rent house off campus.
涛涛对Jessie同学的作文的点评：
这篇作文就是4级热点话题作文。整体文章逻辑条理不错。
但是，美中不足的是文章中词汇表达中有不少错误，例如：动词的时态，谓语原形动词和非谓语动词，单词词性的混用，名词的单复数等没有很好地区分。
至于打分，按照原始分15分为满分的标准，我参考阅卷标准，估测这篇文章得分为：11分。
下面，请大家细细阅读我给4级学员的修改版。
试做一比较：
热点作文话题---滔滔不绝的修改版：
2008-06-12
On College Students’ House-renting off Campus
It is normal that an increasing number of college students rent houses off campus at present. There are many reasons for that. Although their behavior is supported by their different ideas, I find the thing which they feel is reasonable has both advantages and disadvantages。Now I will show them as follows:
On one hand, I maintain that the advantages of living off campus is we can have a comparatively quiet environment to fulfill our daily work better. Besides, the convenient appliances, larger living space and better living conditions could make us feel more comfortable. On the other hand, by the way, I can list many disadvantages of living outside the college.the rental fee is surely higher than that of the college dormitory.Meanwhile,Rarely do we have the time(only 4 years) to study in the university, if some students rent the house off campus, they will easily lose the golden time when they enjoy the rich and colorful life with roommates together since some house renters have very poor self-control and just indulge in playing the computer games or enjoying the happy cohabitation life. What is more, the parents will be worried about the security of them who study, and live without supervision of the college, and I strongly hold that we students should learn on campus where many useful and timely information can be easily obtained to help us study better, and lay a solid theoretical foundation of knowledge for finding a satisfactory job in the coming years upon graduation.
To sum up, I convince that the demerits overweigh the merits in terms of living off campus. From my perspective,college students need not rent house off campus if he or she really is willing to be concentrated on the study during the limited years at college.
本文选自新东方王继涛老师的博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/taotao2005128
本文地址：http://www.dioenglish.com/writing/englishtest/cet6/42355.html
