2010年雅思大作文点评:古代科技改变人类多于近代
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Some people think earlier technology changed humans‘ lives more than recent technology. Do you agree?
Overall, I disagree the opinion expressed. Earlier technology and recent technology have the same effect in our life. In this essay, I will take about the medicial technology and the living technology to prove my view. (36words)
结构点评：此段写法和传统的首段写法有所不同。它是第1句并不明确地表达自己的观点，即不同意（没有交待不同意什么，自己的观点又是什么）。第2句象征性地交待了一下背景。最后1句是引出下文。需要指出的是，第1段并没有明确表达作者自己的观点。有些考官（如MM），明确指出这种写法不够好。
语言方面：红色部分为明显错误的地方。可以看出作者写作很粗心！给我的第1印象是这篇文章应该是5分左右的水平！要注意，我已经在以前的文章当中指出第1段很简单但是也很重要，因为first impression lasts forever。第1段写得不好，作文分数很受影响！！！错误地方分别应改为：disagree with, have the same effect on, talk about, medical
Medicial technology, as（应改为like） other technology, is in order to improve the quality of humans’ life which has being researched（可能用has been studied更好，原来的写法根本没有！！！） continuously. Whatever earlier technology or recent one has the same aim that it cure people of diseases（后半句的that到底是怎么一回事？！感觉很莫名地出现了）. Nobody can say earlier medicial technology can just treat the cough or cold so does it change（看不懂） our life less than the recent one which can solve some difficult brain problem（主谓一致的错误）. Surely, people always seek for the solution of every disease. In any case, all the medicial technologies are equally（be动词应该加形容词，即equal）, so we need not compare them.（92words）
结构分析：1’+ 4的模式。没什么好展开的，词数也差得不多。从结构上来说，做的还不错。大家要注意：大多数雅思作文结构都是比较清晰的，所以结构必须达到要求，没什么好多说的。
语言方面：这明显是本篇作者的弱点！！！一般经过培训的同学仍存在较大问题的就是语言方面。因为语言不是短期内就能提高很多的，但是还是能提高的！！！首先，就是要提高正确性；其次，再考虑多样性。红色字体表示错误的地方，可见，作者的语言水平实在不敢恭维！
The same is true in living thchnology（什么意思）. People invented chair（发明的东西，前面加个the,比如invent the telephone等等）, so we sit on the ground no longer. Later, when we invented sofa（同上）, which can make us feel more comfortable when we are sitting. Both of them all（有了both怎么还有all,那不是自相矛盾么！！！）change our life a lot. Before the air conditioner has been invented, nobody will complain that the fan is useless in our life. As（什么意思） the same reason above, in different time has technology affacted （是affected吧，此外，这个句子没有主语，这是严重错误！！！）to our life differently. Anyway, the living technology is in order to raise the standard of our life, to make it more satisfactory. （95words）
结构就不分析了，分析了那么多篇，大家应该有所了解了。
语言方面大家看了就知道，算是把这段当作改错吧！！！希望作者看了不要受打击，呵呵。。。
To sum up, I think it is by no means to compare which of these two changes our life more. Technology development is a process step by step（应该是a step-by-step process）. Every footprint represent (主谓一致的错误，怎么老是犯这种错误？！因为中文的动词没有第三人称的变化，所以写着写着就忘了！！！) the contribution which it made for humans’ life. Just as I expound above, earlier technology and recent technology have the same influence in（应该为on） humans’ lives.（281words）
本文标题：2010年雅思大作文点评:古代科技改变人类多于近代 - 雅思作文_雅思写作_雅思范文Overall, I disagree the opinion expressed. Earlier technology and recent technology have the same effect in our life. In this essay, I will take about the medicial technology and the living technology to prove my view. (36words)
结构点评：此段写法和传统的首段写法有所不同。它是第1句并不明确地表达自己的观点，即不同意（没有交待不同意什么，自己的观点又是什么）。第2句象征性地交待了一下背景。最后1句是引出下文。需要指出的是，第1段并没有明确表达作者自己的观点。有些考官（如MM），明确指出这种写法不够好。
语言方面：红色部分为明显错误的地方。可以看出作者写作很粗心！给我的第1印象是这篇文章应该是5分左右的水平！要注意，我已经在以前的文章当中指出第1段很简单但是也很重要，因为first impression lasts forever。第1段写得不好，作文分数很受影响！！！错误地方分别应改为：disagree with, have the same effect on, talk about, medical
Medicial technology, as（应改为like） other technology, is in order to improve the quality of humans’ life which has being researched（可能用has been studied更好，原来的写法根本没有！！！） continuously. Whatever earlier technology or recent one has the same aim that it cure people of diseases（后半句的that到底是怎么一回事？！感觉很莫名地出现了）. Nobody can say earlier medicial technology can just treat the cough or cold so does it change（看不懂） our life less than the recent one which can solve some difficult brain problem（主谓一致的错误）. Surely, people always seek for the solution of every disease. In any case, all the medicial technologies are equally（be动词应该加形容词，即equal）, so we need not compare them.（92words）
结构分析：1’+ 4的模式。没什么好展开的，词数也差得不多。从结构上来说，做的还不错。大家要注意：大多数雅思作文结构都是比较清晰的，所以结构必须达到要求，没什么好多说的。
语言方面：这明显是本篇作者的弱点！！！一般经过培训的同学仍存在较大问题的就是语言方面。因为语言不是短期内就能提高很多的，但是还是能提高的！！！首先，就是要提高正确性；其次，再考虑多样性。红色字体表示错误的地方，可见，作者的语言水平实在不敢恭维！
The same is true in living thchnology（什么意思）. People invented chair（发明的东西，前面加个the,比如invent the telephone等等）, so we sit on the ground no longer. Later, when we invented sofa（同上）, which can make us feel more comfortable when we are sitting. Both of them all（有了both怎么还有all,那不是自相矛盾么！！！）change our life a lot. Before the air conditioner has been invented, nobody will complain that the fan is useless in our life. As（什么意思） the same reason above, in different time has technology affacted （是affected吧，此外，这个句子没有主语，这是严重错误！！！）to our life differently. Anyway, the living technology is in order to raise the standard of our life, to make it more satisfactory. （95words）
结构就不分析了，分析了那么多篇，大家应该有所了解了。
语言方面大家看了就知道，算是把这段当作改错吧！！！希望作者看了不要受打击，呵呵。。。
To sum up, I think it is by no means to compare which of these two changes our life more. Technology development is a process step by step（应该是a step-by-step process）. Every footprint represent (主谓一致的错误，怎么老是犯这种错误？！因为中文的动词没有第三人称的变化，所以写着写着就忘了！！！) the contribution which it made for humans’ life. Just as I expound above, earlier technology and recent technology have the same influence in（应该为on） humans’ lives.（281words）
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