雅思写作:句子扩充的妙用
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除了对写作进行过专门练习的同学,大部分考生在参加雅思考试之前对于雅思写作方面的练习十分有限,而在对大作文构思的时候,有不少考生都是采用中文思考,然后翻译成英文的办法来写作。但是写完之后自己重新读一遍会发现:咦,怎么一点“文采”都没有了呢?无论句子和段落都是干巴巴的,没什么味道。所谓的“文采”在比较蹩脚的翻译过程中自然就流失掉了。
事实上,在英语能力没达到一个比较高的水平之前,依靠“翻译”的办法来进行外语写作或口语的构思都是一个事倍功半的办法,不值得推荐。但是如果在目前的情况下暂时做不到用英语来构思整篇文章,对于澳际的雅思学员我们建议通过练习对自己的现有句子进行润色和改写的办法,把内容加以扩充,使措辞、语气都更加正式,同时也避免了字数无法达到250字目标要求的尴尬,一举两得。
举一个简单话题“城市空气污染的原因”(Cause for air pollution in cities)的一个body段为例。以雅思预备4级班某学员作文为例,虽然有思路,但写得比较“没味道”,缺乏学术文章要求的可读性:
①First of all, there are more and more cars in the city. ②Cars can produce some bad gases. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution. ④Secondly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air. ⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
从文中可以看出,该给出的内容和思路也都写进去了,但是主要存在的问题在于:一,句子之间缺少连接词,体现不出一个段落中整体的连贯思路,好像每个句子之间没有关联,一盘散沙;二,说话的方式和采用的句型过于简单,这里指的过于简单并不是说得用很长的从句才合格,而是说需要把一句话所表现的意思稍微扩充一点,而展现出更丰富的思路与严谨的意思;三,所用的词汇太简单了,可以换成更多样的表达方式。
澳际的老师改写如下:
①First of all, there are more and more cars in the city.
改写:There is no denying that with the ongoing process of modernization, the number of motor vehicles in the urban area is constantly on the rise.
(评注:每一个观点开头时不一定非要用first of all...secondly...thirdly,换一种更自然的开头方式也许效果会更好。另外,there be句型确实很万能、很好用,但是如果在任何表意时都用它的话,句型会十分单调。还需要强调一下,换主语的方式有时候也会带来惊喜哦,给文章增加多样化的色彩。)
②Cars can produce some bad gas. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution.
改写:Unfortunately, taking fossil fuels as the dominant propulsion source, these cars could emit a considerable amount of carbon dioxide and even toxic gases, which is largely responsible for the air pollution in the city.
(评注:像②和③句这样内容关联很紧密的内容,其实可以合成一句话,使得逻辑上面更加紧凑、合理,英文里面用which引导的定语从句就可以把这个问题解决了;和第①句中with…modernization的状语结构类似,第②和③句中采用了动词+ing结构的状语从句,使句子结构更加丰富;此外,可以加入fossil fuels、carbon dioxide这样的词汇来丰富句意中的细节,使文章的内容不止流于表面化;最后,用be largely responsible这样的结构来表意,平时注意多积累不同的表达方式,可以使考试时不会只想到A is B的最简单枯燥的表达。)
④Secondly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air.
改写:What is more, some factories could be positioned within the cities or even in the downtown area due to various reasons, which could contribute a lot to the poor quality of air in its neighborhood.
(评注:与上面第②和③句的情况类似,这两句也可以合并为一句话,使逻辑连贯性更佳;尤其还可以注意,句末没有再次重复写city,那词汇的多样性就无法体现,而是换了个意思而写成neighborhood,使整句话意思更加丰富;此外,大家也可以学习下contribute to的用法,很实用。)
⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
改写:Thus, car and factory emissions both pose as threats to the air quality in urban areas to a great extent.
(评注:原句有种敷衍了事的态度在其中,并没有对文章的内容作出实际的贡献,实际上不写也无伤大雅,而改写后至少在表达方式上有所转变,使得文章在思路上没有变得死路一条。)
总之,扩充和改写句子的练习对于提升自己的思路宽度和广度的确有不小的益处。建议大家多用心揣摩体会,一定要亲自动手改写,不要背下例句就算万事大吉了,这样才能早日掌握雅思大作文写作的真谛。
本文标题:雅思写作:句子扩充的妙用 - 雅思作文_雅思写作_雅思范文事实上,在英语能力没达到一个比较高的水平之前,依靠“翻译”的办法来进行外语写作或口语的构思都是一个事倍功半的办法,不值得推荐。但是如果在目前的情况下暂时做不到用英语来构思整篇文章,对于澳际的雅思学员我们建议通过练习对自己的现有句子进行润色和改写的办法,把内容加以扩充,使措辞、语气都更加正式,同时也避免了字数无法达到250字目标要求的尴尬,一举两得。
举一个简单话题“城市空气污染的原因”(Cause for air pollution in cities)的一个body段为例。以雅思预备4级班某学员作文为例,虽然有思路,但写得比较“没味道”,缺乏学术文章要求的可读性:
①First of all, there are more and more cars in the city. ②Cars can produce some bad gases. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution. ④Secondly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air. ⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
从文中可以看出,该给出的内容和思路也都写进去了,但是主要存在的问题在于:一,句子之间缺少连接词,体现不出一个段落中整体的连贯思路,好像每个句子之间没有关联,一盘散沙;二,说话的方式和采用的句型过于简单,这里指的过于简单并不是说得用很长的从句才合格,而是说需要把一句话所表现的意思稍微扩充一点,而展现出更丰富的思路与严谨的意思;三,所用的词汇太简单了,可以换成更多样的表达方式。
澳际的老师改写如下:
①First of all, there are more and more cars in the city.
改写:There is no denying that with the ongoing process of modernization, the number of motor vehicles in the urban area is constantly on the rise.
(评注:每一个观点开头时不一定非要用first of all...secondly...thirdly,换一种更自然的开头方式也许效果会更好。另外,there be句型确实很万能、很好用,但是如果在任何表意时都用它的话,句型会十分单调。还需要强调一下,换主语的方式有时候也会带来惊喜哦,给文章增加多样化的色彩。)
②Cars can produce some bad gas. ③These kinds of gases cause air pollution.
改写:Unfortunately, taking fossil fuels as the dominant propulsion source, these cars could emit a considerable amount of carbon dioxide and even toxic gases, which is largely responsible for the air pollution in the city.
(评注:像②和③句这样内容关联很紧密的内容,其实可以合成一句话,使得逻辑上面更加紧凑、合理,英文里面用which引导的定语从句就可以把这个问题解决了;和第①句中with…modernization的状语结构类似,第②和③句中采用了动词+ing结构的状语从句,使句子结构更加丰富;此外,可以加入fossil fuels、carbon dioxide这样的词汇来丰富句意中的细节,使文章的内容不止流于表面化;最后,用be largely responsible这样的结构来表意,平时注意多积累不同的表达方式,可以使考试时不会只想到A is B的最简单枯燥的表达。)
④Secondly, some cities have factories. ⑤And factories sometimes can make pollution into the air.
改写:What is more, some factories could be positioned within the cities or even in the downtown area due to various reasons, which could contribute a lot to the poor quality of air in its neighborhood.
(评注:与上面第②和③句的情况类似,这两句也可以合并为一句话,使逻辑连贯性更佳;尤其还可以注意,句末没有再次重复写city,那词汇的多样性就无法体现,而是换了个意思而写成neighborhood,使整句话意思更加丰富;此外,大家也可以学习下contribute to的用法,很实用。)
⑥These are the two main reasons for air pollution in the city.
改写:Thus, car and factory emissions both pose as threats to the air quality in urban areas to a great extent.
(评注:原句有种敷衍了事的态度在其中,并没有对文章的内容作出实际的贡献,实际上不写也无伤大雅,而改写后至少在表达方式上有所转变,使得文章在思路上没有变得死路一条。)
总之,扩充和改写句子的练习对于提升自己的思路宽度和广度的确有不小的益处。建议大家多用心揣摩体会,一定要亲自动手改写,不要背下例句就算万事大吉了,这样才能早日掌握雅思大作文写作的真谛。
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