我生命中的"另一个女人"
After 22 years of marriage， I've discovered the secret to keeping love and intimacy alive in my relationship with my wife， Peggy：I started dating another woman.
The"other woman"my wife was encouraging me to date is my mother， a 72-year-old widow who has lived alone since my father died 20 years ago. Right after his death， I moved 2，500 miles away to California and started my own family and career. When I moved back near my hometown six years ago， I promised myself that I would spend more time with Mom. But with the demands of my job and three kids， I never got around to seeing her much beyond family get-togethers and holidays.
She was surprised and suspicious， then， when I called and suggested the two of us go out to dinner and a movie. "What's wrong？"she asked. My mother thinks anything out of the ordinary signals bad news. "I thought it would be nice to spend some time with you，" I said. "Just the two of us. ""I'd like that a lot. "she replied.
As I drove to her house， I actually had a case of predate1） jitters2）。What would we talk about？What if she didn't like the restaurant I chose？
When I pulled into her driveway， she was waiting by the door with her coat on. Her hair was curled， and she was smiling. "I told my lady friends I was going out with my son， and they were all impressed， "she said as she got into my car. "They can't wait to hear about our evening. "
We didn't go anywhere fancy， just a neighborhood place where we could talk. My mother clutched3） my arm， half out of affection and half to help her negotiate4） the restaurant steps. Since her eyes now see only large shapes and shadows， I had to read the menu for both of us. Halfway through reciting the entrées， I glanced up and saw Mom looking at me， a wistful smile on her lips. "I used to be the menu-reader when you were little，" she said. I understood what she was saying. From caregiver to cared-for， from cared-for to care giver， our relationship had come full circle. "Then it's time for you to relax and let me return the favor， "I said. We had a nice talk over dinner. Nothing earth-shattering， just catching up with each other's lives. We talked for so long that we missed the movie. "I'll go out with you again，" my mother said as I dropped her off， "But only if you let me buy dinner next time. "I agreed.
"How was your date？"my wife asked when I got home that evening. "Nice. . . nicer than I thought it would be， "I said. She smiled her told-you-so smile.
Mom and I go out for dinner a couple of times a month. Sometimes we take in a movie， but mostly we talk. I tell her about my trials at work and brag about the kids and Peggy. Mom fills me in on family gossip and tells me about her past. Now I know what it was like for her to work in a factory during World WarⅡ。 I know how she met my father there， and how they nurtured a trolley-car5） courtship through those difficult times. I can't get enough of these stories. They are important to me， a part of my history. We also talk about the future. Because of health problems， my mother worries about the days ahead. "I have so much living to do， "she told me once. "I need to be there while my grandchildren grow up. I don't want to miss any of it. "
I tend to fill my calendar6） to the brim as I struggle to fit family， career and friendships into my life. I often complain about how quickly time flies. Spending time with my mom has taught me the importance of slowing down.
我生命中的"另一个女人"
经历22年的婚姻， 我发现如何同妻子佩吉保持爱恋和亲密关系的秘密：去约会另一个女人。
我妻子鼓励我去约会的"另一个女人"就是我的母亲， 一位72岁的寡妇。20年前父亲去世后， 她一直独居至今。就在父亲去世后， 我搬到了2500英里以外的加利福尼亚， 成家立业。6年前我迁回到靠近老家的地方， 那时， 我曾承诺要花些时间同妈妈在一起。但是由于需要兼顾我的工作和3个孩子， 除家庭聚会和节假日外， 我很少抽时间去看望她。
我打电话给母亲， 建议我们俩外出一起吃饭、看电影， 她感到惊讶和疑惑。"出什么事了吗？"她问， 妈妈把任何不寻常的信号都当成是坏消息。"我想跟您共度一段时光会很愉快的， "我说。"就我们俩。""那太好了， "她答道。
我开车驶往母亲住所， 竟感到约会前的紧张不安。我们将谈些什么呢？如果她不喜欢我选的餐馆怎么办？
我的车驶进母亲家门前的车道时， 她已穿好外套等在门口了。她的头发卷好了， 面带笑容。"我告诉我的女友们， 说我要和儿子一道外出， 她们都深受感动， "母亲边说边上了我的车。"她们急着想知道我们怎样度过今天晚上。"
我们没有去高档的餐馆， 只在附近找了一个便于说话的地方。我的母亲紧挽着我的胳膊， 既是出于对我的慈爱， 也是为了自己能扶着我走上餐馆的台阶。由于她现在的视力只能看到大致的形状和模糊的影子， 我得为我俩读菜单。我念到一半时， 抬头瞥见母亲正看着我， 嘴角泛着若有所思的微笑。"你小时候我常念菜单给你听， "她说。我明白她的意思。她已从关爱者变为受照顾者， 我则从受照顾者变为关爱者， 我们的关系倒了个个儿。"现在你该轻松轻松了， 让我来照顾你。"我说。我们边吃边谈， 谈得很好。没有谈什么大事， 只是交谈些彼此的生活情况。我们谈了很长时间， 以致没赶上看电影。"我还想跟你一起外出。"我送母亲回去， 下车时她说， "不过， 下次你得让我请客。"我答应了。
"你的约会怎么样？"那天晚上回家时， 妻子问我。"不错……， 比我想的还要好， "我说。她笑了， 一副早就料到的样子。
从此我和妈妈每个月都要外出共进几次晚餐。有时我们也看电影， 但大部分时间都是交谈。我跟她讲工作中的烦恼， 也向她夸耀佩吉和孩子们。母亲跟我谈了许多家长里短的事， 也对我讲了她过去的经历。现在我知道了她二战期间在一家工厂里做工的情况， 并知道她在那里如何同父亲相识的。在那困难的日子里， 他们在有轨电车上培育了一段恋爱史。我对这些故事百听不厌。它们对我很重要， 是我历史的一部分。我们也谈论未来。由于健康方面的原因， 母亲担心着今后的日子。"我要做的事儿多着呢， "有一次她对我说。"我要看着孙子、孙女们长大成人。我可什么都不想错过。"
忙于应付家庭生活、事业和朋友关系等种种事情， 我的日程表总是排得满满的。我经常抱怨时光飞逝。与母亲共度时光， 使我懂得了放慢生活节奏的重要。
注释：
1. predate 提早日期， 居先
2. jitters <美口>紧张不安， 战战兢兢
3. clutch v. 抓住， 攫住
4. negotiate v. 通过， 越过
5. trolley-car n. <美>有轨电车
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