Wounding with words
It's the one parental motto1 every kid knows by heart： Just because everybody else is doing it， that doesn't mean you should， too. From playgrounds to parties， the mantra2 resonates3 among tots and teens with each choice they make. But apparently， parents are the ones who need that advice.
When it comes to discipline， too many parents let tempers flare out of control， says a new study by sociologist Murray A. Straus， codirector of the Family Research Lab at the University of New Hampshire. " Parents should never yell， scream， or call their kid names，" he cautions. But nearly all Americans do， no matter their ethnicity5， age， or socioeconomic6 group， the study of 991 parents concludes. Verbal attacks start early on. Half of parents have screamed， yelled， or shouted in rage at their infants7. By the time a child reaches 7 years old， 98 percent of parents are verbally lashing out. In some cases， the aggression is startling8. One of five parents has threatened to kick a teenage son or daughter out of the house， while a quarter have sworn at their offspring.
The episodes can have serious repercussions9， warns Straus， who presented the findings at the American Sociological Association meeting. His earlier work has linked parental verbal aggressiveness with children's mental illness and， along with a dozen other studies， showed that a parent's vocal fury can increase the odds of a child's developing delinquency10， depression， and even bulimia11.
Several countries have already passed laws banning disciplinary action that inflicts12 mental suffering on a child， and Straus views them as models to emulate13. Sweden was the first to do so， with an official mandate14 in 1979 that prohibits not only spanking but also any " humiliating treatment" of kids. Swedes publicized the rule on milk cartons， on public TV， and in schools. Many other nations followed suit， including Austria，Denmark， and Israel.And last month， Germany joined the protective ranks， officially assuring children of the right to a nonviolent upbringing without psychological15 injuries.
Critics regard Straus's vision as impractical， but a number of them still consider his insights valuable. " The reality is we're all human，" says Mark Wolraich， professor of pediatrics16 at Vanderbilt University and the father of three kids. " The occasional outburst17 should not be called abuse， but that's not to say it isn't inappropriate." Wolraich contends18 that while laws are not the key to a violence-free， psychologically healthy upbringing， education is. Pediatricians and other public-health advocates， he argues， should teach parents to concentrate on nurturing more-gentle relationships with children. While parents are establishing a bond with a child during baseball outings and backyard games， for example， they can set a tone of enduring19 love and affection that will mitigate20 the consequences of the occasional future eruption.
To be sure， spoken fury doesn't affect only the children. Parents might also profit from eliminating the rants21. When you lose your temper with your kids， you feel bad――you often feel worse than they feel.
家长们有一句至理名言，每个孩子心中都很明白，那就是，其他人都这么做，这并不是说你也应该这么做。无论是在操场上，还是在聚会上，小家伙们每当要作出选择时，这句咒语般的话就会在耳边回响。但是，这句忠告显然家长们更需要。
新罕布什尔大学家庭问题研究实验所的一位负责人、社会学家默里・斯特劳斯的一项新研究表明，每当孩子违反了纪律，许许多多的家长就忍不住要大发脾气。他提醒说："家长们绝对不可呵斥和叫喊，也不可用伤人的话责骂孩子。"然而对991名家长进行的调查结果表明，几乎所有的美国人都这样做，不论他们的种族、年龄或社会经济地位如何。这种口头斥责在孩子很小的时候就开始了。有一半的家长曾对婴儿大声叫嚷或生气地呵斥。孩子长到7岁时，98％的父母都难以控制对孩子出语伤人。有时家长的凶劲简直让人吃惊。1/5的家长曾威胁要把孩子踢出家门，1/4的家长曾经咒骂过子女。
斯特劳斯警告说，这种经历会对孩子有严重的影响。他在美国社会学联合会召开的会议上提交了这项研究结果。他的早期研究将父母的言语攻击与孩子的精神疾病联系起来；其他的一些研究也表明，家长的言语狂暴，会提高孩子形成青少年犯罪、抑郁，甚至暴食的可能性。
有些国家已颁布了法律，禁止家长采取会致使孩子精神痛苦的惩戒行为；斯特劳斯认为这是值得效法的。瑞典是第一个颁布此类法令的国家，它于1979年正式颁布的法令不仅禁止殴打而且还禁止任何"羞辱"孩子的行为。瑞典人还在牛奶盒上、公共电视节目中，以及学校里宣传这些规定。奥地利、丹麦和以色列等其他许多国家都纷纷效仿。上个月德国也加入了保护行列，正式宣布保障儿童在无精神伤害的非暴力环境中成长的权利。
批评家们觉得斯特劳斯的观点不实际，但其中有些人仍然认为他的见解是有价值的。范德比尔特大学儿科学教授马克・沃尔雷奇（3个孩子的父亲）说："现实是，我们都是人。偶尔的情绪爆发不应叫做虐待，但并不是说这样做是适当的。"他认为，营造一个没有暴力、心理健康的成长环境的关键不是法律，而是教育。他说，儿科学家和其他倡导公共健康的人士，应该教导家长们注意与孩子建立较为温和融洽的关系。举例来说，当家长和孩子一起外出打棒球或进行户外活动建立感情联系时，可以营造一种持久的充满关爱的气氛，这对将来可能发生冲突的后果能够起到缓解作用。
当然，言语狂暴影响的不仅仅是孩子。改掉大声叫骂的习惯，家长们也会受益。每当你对孩子发脾气时，自己的感觉并不好，而且经常比孩子的感觉更糟。
注释：
1.motto n.警句，格言，座右铭
2.mantra n.符咒，祷文
3.resonate vi.回响，反响，回荡
4.derogatory adj.贬低的
5.ethnicity n.种族地位，种族渊源
6.socioeconomic adj.社会经济的
7.infant n.婴儿，幼儿
8.startling adj.使人惊跳的
9.repercussion n.影响，后果
10.delinquency n.少年犯罪，错误
11.bulimia n.食欲过盛
12.inflict vt.使遭受（损伤等）
13.emulate vt.仿效，模仿
14.mandate n.指令
15.psychological adj.精神的
16.pediatrics n.儿科学
17.outburst n.爆发
18.contend vt.辩论
19.enduring adj.持久的
20.mitigate vt.减轻
21.rant n.痛骂
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