高考英语作文评析 （一）
某对外发行的英文刊物正在进行中学生英语征文，请根据下列提示，以Don’t Lose Your Courage为题写一篇短文，以便向该刊投稿。
[提示]
1. 上高一的第一天；
2. 英语老师刘老师面带微笑进入教室；
3. 她自我介绍，应称呼她Miss Liu，而非Teacher Liu；
4. 要求我们每人到教室前自我介绍；
5. 我又怕又羞难以启齿；
6. 老师鼓励我，我讲得很好；
7. 难忘的第一节课；
8. 实践出真知。遇到困难不能灰心丧气。
[注意]
1. 词数100~140；
2. 不要逐字翻译提示，可适当增加细节使文章连贯。
[学生原文]
Don’t Lose Your Heart
Never I shall（1） forget the first English lesson at Senior One given by Miss Liu. When she entered into（2） the classroom， we found that she was beautiful with a smile on her face. Then she introduced herself， saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu.
A moment later， she asked every（3） of us to go to the blackboard to say something about themselves（4） . When it was my turn， I felt so shyly（5） and fearful that I couldn’t speak a word out. Miss Liu came to me and said kindly， “Don’t be afraid. Have a try. I believe you can do it well.” My face turned red hearing that. At last， I went to the blackboard and was able to do it very well.
Up to now， I can still remember her words in my English（6） lesson：“Practice makes perfect. Never lose your heart when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.”
[名师点评]
作者能根据提示，运用所学知识得体地进行语言表达。故事行文流畅，要点齐全。运用了复杂的语言结构，作者大胆地使用了现在分词，使短文紧凑，短文的开头使用了When……Then……，A moment later等过渡词，使用恰当，使短文情节逐层深入，作者在第二段最后使用了was able to为短文添彩。
但有几处错误，现概括如下：
（1）短文首句使用了倒装句，给人以深刻的印象，部分时间状语，副词提前，谓语动词应倒装，应改为Never shall I forget…。
（2）用法错误，enter含有go into的意思，所以应删除into.
（3）every改为each， every是形容词，each是代词。
（4）themselves改为ourselves.因为故事使用第一人称叙述了发生在我班上的情况。
（5）shyly改为shy.feel是系动词，应接形容词作表语。
（6）在English前加first，表示特定的第一节英语课。
[精品范文]
Don’t Lose Your Courage
Never shall I forget the first English lesson given by Miss Liu. On that day， when she entered the classroom， we found that she was a young and beautiful lady with a big smile on her face. Then she introduced herself saying that we should call her Miss Liu instead of Teacher Liu， a moment later， she let all of us go to the blackboard and say something about ourselves in English in turn. When it was my turn， I felt so shy and fearful that I didn’t dare to say a word before the class. She came up to me and said kindly， “Don’t be afraid. I believe you can do it. Come and have a try.” My face turned red when I heard that. At last， I went to the blackboard and was able to do it quite well. She praised for what I had done. Up to now， I can still remember her words in the first English lesson： “Practice makes perfect. Don’t lose your courage when you meet with difficulties. Try on and on until you succeed.”
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