2010年雅思大作文点评:学校只应传授知识
阅读 : 次
Some people think schools should only teach students academic knowledge. Others think they should also teach students to judge what is right and wrong. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Generally speaking, there are two opinions about school’s function, ( 这种错误非常细小，但是一般也只有 Chinese English 中才看得到。逗号是不能连接句子和句子的！！！汉语里可以，英语绝不可以 ) some people think school is a place for student （可数名词除固定短语中，一般要么前面加冠词要么本身是复数！） to learn academic knowledge only while others hold the opposite view that school （同上，可数名词不能这样用！） should teach students the ability （个人认为能力是培养的而不是教的！动宾搭配不当！） to judge what is right or wrong as well. For my part, I’m more prone to the latter view （典型的 Chinese English! 去查一下字典 prone 怎么用的！当然要查英英词典 To be prone to something, usually something bad, means to have a tendency to be affected by it or to do it. ） .
结构分析：典型的雅思大作文手段写法： 2+1’，即前两句引题，最后一句表达自己的观点。
语言分析：其实第 1 段读下来还是比较通顺的，意思表达也比较容易理解。只是，从更严谨的层面分析，还是在语言表达上存在着一些中文的痕迹。起评分： 6 分。
School （错误与第 1 段相同，看来这位作者对可数名词的用法掌握的不好，去查一下语法书吧：可数名词除固定短语中，一般要么前面加冠词要么本身是复数！ ） is, no doubt, a place to learn academic knowledge （表达方式与第 1 段一模一样，能不能换个表达方式， native speaker 不喜欢经常重复相同的内容和表达） , from which we can get to know many new things and phenomena happened （这里应该用 happening ！） surrounding us with the help of teachers and good facilities.
结构分析： 1 ’ +0 ！！！整段居然只有一句话，如果写得好也可以接受。但是，此段明显在内容上比较空洞！雅思作文不需要你侃侃而谈，但是至少要有一定的内容来支持你的观点。如果缺少足够的论证内容，那么在内容上会扣分。
语言分析：作者在语言方面还是比较稳的，没有大起大落，所犯的错误也比较统一！呵呵。。。
However, I don’t think teaching academic knowledge is the only target of education. I believe other things such as integrity, the ability of judging good and evil, right and wrong are, if not far more important than, at least as important as academic knowledge. （这句话还可以的。用了一个句型： A is, if not better than, as good as B ） If these people who are good at mastering knowledge have an evil heart, they can’t make any contribution to our society; while on the contrary, a lot of harm could be done. （这句太有问题了，首先和前半句的衔接处理地不好，其次， while 这里应该是连词啊！要么把前面的分号改成逗号！）
语言分析：作者的语言四平八稳的，除了最后一句有些失水准，段中还有一句比较好的句子。
内容分析 : 作者给我的感觉是语言比较简练！但是，好像也太简练了，适当再多一点论证的内容。
On the other side （是 hand 吧， side 似乎也通，但是我比较保守） , we can never judge a person’s quality by how much knowledge he (she) knows just like （口语里面可以这样用，但是在严格的书面语中还是用 just as 比较好） we can’t judge a book by its appearance （是 cover 啦！你前面写的是 book 不是 person ！） . Our society needs these people who （地道的说法是 those who ） can serve it well. An all-around person with a noble heart as well as a profound understanding of academic knowledge is the most popular in this competitive society.
To put all into a nutshell, cultivating the students’ ability to judge right and wrong is the responsibility of our schools. Our school should pay more attention to this responsibility without ignoring the importance of academic knowledge. (263 words)
最后一段到写的不错。
总评：作者的语言水平还是不错的，一看至少有 6 分。但是亮点好像不够，很难到 7-8 分，另外语言方面还不够严谨，经常有中文的痕迹。这个的确比较难提高，写作的确能衡量出一个人真实的英语能力！
总分： 6 分。
本文标题：2010年雅思大作文点评:学校只应传授知识 - 雅思作文_雅思写作_雅思范文Generally speaking, there are two opinions about school’s function, ( 这种错误非常细小，但是一般也只有 Chinese English 中才看得到。逗号是不能连接句子和句子的！！！汉语里可以，英语绝不可以 ) some people think school is a place for student （可数名词除固定短语中，一般要么前面加冠词要么本身是复数！） to learn academic knowledge only while others hold the opposite view that school （同上，可数名词不能这样用！） should teach students the ability （个人认为能力是培养的而不是教的！动宾搭配不当！） to judge what is right or wrong as well. For my part, I’m more prone to the latter view （典型的 Chinese English! 去查一下字典 prone 怎么用的！当然要查英英词典 To be prone to something, usually something bad, means to have a tendency to be affected by it or to do it. ） .
结构分析：典型的雅思大作文手段写法： 2+1’，即前两句引题，最后一句表达自己的观点。
语言分析：其实第 1 段读下来还是比较通顺的，意思表达也比较容易理解。只是，从更严谨的层面分析，还是在语言表达上存在着一些中文的痕迹。起评分： 6 分。
School （错误与第 1 段相同，看来这位作者对可数名词的用法掌握的不好，去查一下语法书吧：可数名词除固定短语中，一般要么前面加冠词要么本身是复数！ ） is, no doubt, a place to learn academic knowledge （表达方式与第 1 段一模一样，能不能换个表达方式， native speaker 不喜欢经常重复相同的内容和表达） , from which we can get to know many new things and phenomena happened （这里应该用 happening ！） surrounding us with the help of teachers and good facilities.
结构分析： 1 ’ +0 ！！！整段居然只有一句话，如果写得好也可以接受。但是，此段明显在内容上比较空洞！雅思作文不需要你侃侃而谈，但是至少要有一定的内容来支持你的观点。如果缺少足够的论证内容，那么在内容上会扣分。
语言分析：作者在语言方面还是比较稳的，没有大起大落，所犯的错误也比较统一！呵呵。。。
However, I don’t think teaching academic knowledge is the only target of education. I believe other things such as integrity, the ability of judging good and evil, right and wrong are, if not far more important than, at least as important as academic knowledge. （这句话还可以的。用了一个句型： A is, if not better than, as good as B ） If these people who are good at mastering knowledge have an evil heart, they can’t make any contribution to our society; while on the contrary, a lot of harm could be done. （这句太有问题了，首先和前半句的衔接处理地不好，其次， while 这里应该是连词啊！要么把前面的分号改成逗号！）
语言分析：作者的语言四平八稳的，除了最后一句有些失水准，段中还有一句比较好的句子。
内容分析 : 作者给我的感觉是语言比较简练！但是，好像也太简练了，适当再多一点论证的内容。
On the other side （是 hand 吧， side 似乎也通，但是我比较保守） , we can never judge a person’s quality by how much knowledge he (she) knows just like （口语里面可以这样用，但是在严格的书面语中还是用 just as 比较好） we can’t judge a book by its appearance （是 cover 啦！你前面写的是 book 不是 person ！） . Our society needs these people who （地道的说法是 those who ） can serve it well. An all-around person with a noble heart as well as a profound understanding of academic knowledge is the most popular in this competitive society.
To put all into a nutshell, cultivating the students’ ability to judge right and wrong is the responsibility of our schools. Our school should pay more attention to this responsibility without ignoring the importance of academic knowledge. (263 words)
最后一段到写的不错。
总评：作者的语言水平还是不错的，一看至少有 6 分。但是亮点好像不够，很难到 7-8 分，另外语言方面还不够严谨，经常有中文的痕迹。这个的确比较难提高，写作的确能衡量出一个人真实的英语能力！
总分： 6 分。
更多 雅思作文、雅思写作、雅思范文、雅思作文范文、雅思高分范文、雅思作文评分标准，
请继续关注 英语作文大全
本文地址：http://www.dioenglish.com/writing/englishtest/ielts/28072.html
