2010年雅思大作文点评:应禁止无意义的飞行
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Task2
Long-distance flight consumes the amount of fuel that a car uses in many years and pollutes the air. Some people think non-essential flights should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Nowadays, as the world’s connection becomes more and more close, there are many chances for people to go to other countries. It’s obvious to see that flying is a quick and convenient way to get to our destination. But there is a problem arising: Long-distance flight consumes large amount of fuel and pollutes the air, should non-essential flights be banned or not? My answer to this question is definitely yes. (70words)
结构点评：3+1’的模式，最后一句表达了自己的观点。内容上也符合要求，前3句是改写题目，引入话题，最后一句是全文的总观点。
语言方面：作者的英语水平（凭我的猜测）应该是可以的，但是写出来的句子总给我感觉怪怪的！比如there is a problem arising，应该是there arises a problem.但是从语法方面来说是没有错的，意思么我也能看懂。这应该就是传说中chinese english的最高境界吧。此外，It’s obvious to see也犯了相同的错误。Obvious本身就是easy to see的意思，这里应该不需要to see，否则就画蛇添足了！
其次，第1段就写了70个词，好像写得太多了，考试的时候可以适当减少点。第1段给我的印象一般，起评分：6分。
Several reasons can be used to illustrate that,（应该是句号，而且这句话要么写在第1段最后，要么就不要写） firstly, people cause too many pollutions today which greatly affect our living environments. For example, in some highly-polluted cities we can see sunshine no longer and we can hear no chirps of birds. We can’t experience the beauty of nature just because we polluted it so heavily. There is no reason for us to aggravate this pollution by adopting so many flights. （70words）
结构点评：1’+3的模式。看到这里我发现作者写作时，对结构的概念还是比较清晰的，但是语言方面可能受母语的影响，让我看了总不是很舒服！首先，第1句话是废话，可以略去。内容上，总觉得把同样的内容换个表达方式说了几遍，此外pollution或pollute用的太多，导致给人的感觉很罗索，内容又比较空洞。
语言方面：乍看之下没有什么特别严重的问题。只是表达的时候，多样性做的实在很差。不过需要说明的是，对于作文目标是6分的同学来说，完全可以不追求多样性！
Secondly, since now（语言上是正确的，可是一般不会这么写，会造成歧义） the world’s resources become so scarce, we should try our best to limit the use of non-renewable resources and to exploit these resources which cause no pollution to environment. Now that Long-distance flight consumes the amount of fuel that a car uses in many years（不要照抄题目给的原文，给考官的印象很不好！）, why we still use it so frequently? Besides, there is an advantage if we choose train or other ways instead of plane, because we can enjoy the wonderful scenery of passing places（这么说，总觉得不舒服）, while on the plane we can see nothing but the sky.
According to what I had said（应该是have said吧！）, I have every reason to believe that it is not only necessary but also beneficial to ban non-essential flights.(256 words)
综合点评：整篇文章结构比较清晰，有自己的观点，也有论证。缺点是论证的并不好，特别是内容上有待提高，虽然雅思考试对内容的要求不是特别高，但也不能写得太过牵强！语言方面没有什么太大的亮点，幸好也没有什么明显的错误，这个是值得大家学习的！anyway，这是一篇比较朴实的文章。
总评:6分。
本文标题：2010年雅思大作文点评:应禁止无意义的飞行 - 雅思作文_雅思写作_雅思范文Long-distance flight consumes the amount of fuel that a car uses in many years and pollutes the air. Some people think non-essential flights should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Nowadays, as the world’s connection becomes more and more close, there are many chances for people to go to other countries. It’s obvious to see that flying is a quick and convenient way to get to our destination. But there is a problem arising: Long-distance flight consumes large amount of fuel and pollutes the air, should non-essential flights be banned or not? My answer to this question is definitely yes. (70words)
结构点评：3+1’的模式，最后一句表达了自己的观点。内容上也符合要求，前3句是改写题目，引入话题，最后一句是全文的总观点。
语言方面：作者的英语水平（凭我的猜测）应该是可以的，但是写出来的句子总给我感觉怪怪的！比如there is a problem arising，应该是there arises a problem.但是从语法方面来说是没有错的，意思么我也能看懂。这应该就是传说中chinese english的最高境界吧。此外，It’s obvious to see也犯了相同的错误。Obvious本身就是easy to see的意思，这里应该不需要to see，否则就画蛇添足了！
其次，第1段就写了70个词，好像写得太多了，考试的时候可以适当减少点。第1段给我的印象一般，起评分：6分。
Several reasons can be used to illustrate that,（应该是句号，而且这句话要么写在第1段最后，要么就不要写） firstly, people cause too many pollutions today which greatly affect our living environments. For example, in some highly-polluted cities we can see sunshine no longer and we can hear no chirps of birds. We can’t experience the beauty of nature just because we polluted it so heavily. There is no reason for us to aggravate this pollution by adopting so many flights. （70words）
结构点评：1’+3的模式。看到这里我发现作者写作时，对结构的概念还是比较清晰的，但是语言方面可能受母语的影响，让我看了总不是很舒服！首先，第1句话是废话，可以略去。内容上，总觉得把同样的内容换个表达方式说了几遍，此外pollution或pollute用的太多，导致给人的感觉很罗索，内容又比较空洞。
语言方面：乍看之下没有什么特别严重的问题。只是表达的时候，多样性做的实在很差。不过需要说明的是，对于作文目标是6分的同学来说，完全可以不追求多样性！
Secondly, since now（语言上是正确的，可是一般不会这么写，会造成歧义） the world’s resources become so scarce, we should try our best to limit the use of non-renewable resources and to exploit these resources which cause no pollution to environment. Now that Long-distance flight consumes the amount of fuel that a car uses in many years（不要照抄题目给的原文，给考官的印象很不好！）, why we still use it so frequently? Besides, there is an advantage if we choose train or other ways instead of plane, because we can enjoy the wonderful scenery of passing places（这么说，总觉得不舒服）, while on the plane we can see nothing but the sky.
According to what I had said（应该是have said吧！）, I have every reason to believe that it is not only necessary but also beneficial to ban non-essential flights.(256 words)
综合点评：整篇文章结构比较清晰，有自己的观点，也有论证。缺点是论证的并不好，特别是内容上有待提高，虽然雅思考试对内容的要求不是特别高，但也不能写得太过牵强！语言方面没有什么太大的亮点，幸好也没有什么明显的错误，这个是值得大家学习的！anyway，这是一篇比较朴实的文章。
总评:6分。
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