2010年雅思大作文点评:解决城市住房短缺只能靠政府
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Some people think the housing shortage in big cities can only be solved by the government. Do you agree or disagree?
In major cities, problem(可数名词前面既没有冠词，又是单数！避免这种用法，改成problems更好些) with housing shortage seems to have climbed at an alarming rate. So some people hold that the unique solution for（solution后接to） the problem depends on government action. To be frank, I’m in high favor that the problem of housing shortage is the responsibility of not only governments but also individuals and enterprises. （55words）
结构分析：2+1’的模式，最后一句正面提出了自己的观点。2句背景介绍句也写得不错。词数55个，稍微有些多，但即使这样也没有任何问题。唯一的瑕疵就是红色部分的问题，但是属于很小的错误，不怎么影响。
语言方面：由于语法错误不是很多（几乎没有），所以6分是可以保证的，关键是要拿7分以上的话，语言的多样性方面要求就高了！此段，作者这方面还是做的不错的，句型还是比较丰富的，所以起评分7分。
Like any else（和后面的句子连起来，总觉得很便扭！）, enterprises are in pursuit of maximization of profits, taking no consideration of the reasonable utilization of land(可以简洁地写成land utilization). Big companies and factories located in the city centre due to convenience in business exchange and transportation（这句话的谓语动词呢？！难道是located?那么应该是are located in）. However these gigantic companies and factories have taken up so many places on city(?) that there are few lands resources(名词作定语要用其原形，即land) can be used in housing. (62words)
结构分析：1’+2模式，第1句是主题句。结构上就不多说了，因为没有什么问题。
语言方面：乍看之下没有什么明显的语法错误，但是仔细一分析，很多表达都可以改进一下，这就可能是更高一个档次所以考虑的问题了！虽然看上去改了很多，但是6分依然可以保证，关键就是看是7分还是8分。但是，看了这一段，看来8分是不太可能了，呵呵。。。
On the other hand, overpopulation is also the cause of this problem. Especially in china（标点符号乱用，应该用逗号，然后小写！！！）, although the growth of accommodation is rapid. It still can not meet the increasing needs of people（加个the可能更好些）. Furthermore, with the burgeoning of some industrial cities. People, attractive to(这里到底想表达什么意思呢？！是不是attracted by的意思啊？！) comparative advantages, such as education and job opportunities, have been swarming into these “dreamland of fantasy ”,which brings heavy burden to the limited housing resources. (68words)
语言分析：看正文段的语言水平一般就能看出作者真正的英语功底，看来这位老兄也就7分的命了，8分是肯定没有了，呵呵。。。
Finally, we can not deniable（低级错误，can后面能加形容词？！） the fact that government lack（单数名词怎么可以加动词原形呢？！） social awareness and consciousness of equilibrium between economic construction and utilization of land. the government of city without the planning of sustainable development for land（此句似乎没有谓语动词！！！）. The policies should be made to allow more skyscrapers to be built (47words)
语言分析：此段似乎作者有失水准！！！低级错误很多，导致影响很大！
In conclusion, actions to implement the improvement of housing problem should await the participation of government, big companies and factories and individuals.(22words) (249words)
综合评论：文章首段和尾段写得还不错。的确，从应试角度来说，这两段是比较固定的，只要少犯些错误，一般不会有大问题！而正文段就不同了，由于灵活性相对来说比较大，内容也不特定，所以比较能反映作者的英语功底。已经有一定水平的同学，可以在正文段上再下些功夫！！！
此文6分。
本文标题：2010年雅思大作文点评:解决城市住房短缺只能靠政府 - 雅思作文_雅思写作_雅思范文In major cities, problem(可数名词前面既没有冠词，又是单数！避免这种用法，改成problems更好些) with housing shortage seems to have climbed at an alarming rate. So some people hold that the unique solution for（solution后接to） the problem depends on government action. To be frank, I’m in high favor that the problem of housing shortage is the responsibility of not only governments but also individuals and enterprises. （55words）
结构分析：2+1’的模式，最后一句正面提出了自己的观点。2句背景介绍句也写得不错。词数55个，稍微有些多，但即使这样也没有任何问题。唯一的瑕疵就是红色部分的问题，但是属于很小的错误，不怎么影响。
语言方面：由于语法错误不是很多（几乎没有），所以6分是可以保证的，关键是要拿7分以上的话，语言的多样性方面要求就高了！此段，作者这方面还是做的不错的，句型还是比较丰富的，所以起评分7分。
Like any else（和后面的句子连起来，总觉得很便扭！）, enterprises are in pursuit of maximization of profits, taking no consideration of the reasonable utilization of land(可以简洁地写成land utilization). Big companies and factories located in the city centre due to convenience in business exchange and transportation（这句话的谓语动词呢？！难道是located?那么应该是are located in）. However these gigantic companies and factories have taken up so many places on city(?) that there are few lands resources(名词作定语要用其原形，即land) can be used in housing. (62words)
结构分析：1’+2模式，第1句是主题句。结构上就不多说了，因为没有什么问题。
语言方面：乍看之下没有什么明显的语法错误，但是仔细一分析，很多表达都可以改进一下，这就可能是更高一个档次所以考虑的问题了！虽然看上去改了很多，但是6分依然可以保证，关键就是看是7分还是8分。但是，看了这一段，看来8分是不太可能了，呵呵。。。
On the other hand, overpopulation is also the cause of this problem. Especially in china（标点符号乱用，应该用逗号，然后小写！！！）, although the growth of accommodation is rapid. It still can not meet the increasing needs of people（加个the可能更好些）. Furthermore, with the burgeoning of some industrial cities. People, attractive to(这里到底想表达什么意思呢？！是不是attracted by的意思啊？！) comparative advantages, such as education and job opportunities, have been swarming into these “dreamland of fantasy ”,which brings heavy burden to the limited housing resources. (68words)
语言分析：看正文段的语言水平一般就能看出作者真正的英语功底，看来这位老兄也就7分的命了，8分是肯定没有了，呵呵。。。
Finally, we can not deniable（低级错误，can后面能加形容词？！） the fact that government lack（单数名词怎么可以加动词原形呢？！） social awareness and consciousness of equilibrium between economic construction and utilization of land. the government of city without the planning of sustainable development for land（此句似乎没有谓语动词！！！）. The policies should be made to allow more skyscrapers to be built (47words)
语言分析：此段似乎作者有失水准！！！低级错误很多，导致影响很大！
In conclusion, actions to implement the improvement of housing problem should await the participation of government, big companies and factories and individuals.(22words) (249words)
综合评论：文章首段和尾段写得还不错。的确，从应试角度来说，这两段是比较固定的，只要少犯些错误，一般不会有大问题！而正文段就不同了，由于灵活性相对来说比较大，内容也不特定，所以比较能反映作者的英语功底。已经有一定水平的同学，可以在正文段上再下些功夫！！！
此文6分。
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