Happiness：接受这世界，你会快乐

“there is nothing either good or bad,but thinking makes it so.”---- - william shakespeare, “hamlet”

one of the greatest sources of unhappiness, in my experience, is the difficulty we have in accepting things as they are.

without judgment, without wishing for otherwise.

when we see something we don’t like, we wish it could be different — we cry out for something better. that may be human nature, or perhaps it’s something that’s ingrained in our culture.

the root of the unhappiness isn’t necessarily that we want things to be different, however: it’s that we decided we didn’t like it in the first place. we’ve judged it as bad, rather than saying, “it’s not bad or good, it just is.”

an example: in my recent post, a beautiful method to find peace of mind, quite a few commenters thought my outlook was negative, pessimistic, or fatalistic … because i said you should expect people to mess up, expect things to go differently than you planned, and that you should embrace that.

it’s too negative to expect things to go wrong, they said. however: it’s only negative if you see it as negative. if you judge it as bad.

instead, you could accept it as the way the world works — as the way things actually are. and try to understand why that is, and embrace it. as it is.

this can be applied to whatever you do: whether it be how other people act at work, how politics works and how depressing the news media can be. accept these things as they are, and try to understand why they’re that way.

it’ll save you a lot of grief, because you’ll no longer say, “oh, i wish things didn’t suck!”

does it mean you can never change things? not at all. but change things not because you can’t accept things as they are, but because you enjoy the process of change, of learning and growing.

can we make this world a better place? again, that’s assuming that it’s a bad place right now. but instead, you could say the world is just what it is — and that’s neither good nor bad. you can say that you’ll continue to try to do things to help others, to grow as a person, to make a difference in this world — not because you’re such a bad person now, or the world sucks, but because that’s the path you choose to take, because you enjoy that path.

as you catch yourself judging, and wishing for different — and we all do it — try a different approach: accept, and understand. it might lead to some interesting results.

“be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. when you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - lao tzu

 

没有什么事物是好的或坏的，仅仅是你的思想把它变成了那样。---莎士比亚-哈姆雷特

经验告诉我，使我们不快乐的最主要的原因，是我们自身很难接受事物的本来面目。（如果）没有臆断，（如果）不主观的期望事物都变成我们喜欢的那样…每当我们碰到不喜欢的事物时，我们往往希望它能变成我们期望的样子。这可能是人类的天性，也可能是在我们文化中根深蒂固的习惯吧。追根溯源，我们不开心的根本原因，应该不是上文提到的那个思维习惯，而是因为当我们认为自己不喜欢一个事物时，我们就会说它是坏的，而不是（理智的）说，“它本身就是这个样子”。一个例子，我最近发表了文章《寻找内心那一泓清泉》，很多朋友都说我的观点太悲观了，甚至有点听天由命的意思…因为我说人们应该主观的期望不顺利，期望事情不按照自己的计划发展，同时还应该接受它。很多朋友说，希望事情变得糟糕，这也太悲观了。但是，其实仅仅当你认为它是悲观的时候，它才是悲观的，仅仅因为你觉得它不好。但反过来，（其实）人们应该接受这世界的运转方式，接受事物的客观形态。试图去理解它们为什么会这样，然后接受它们。面对生活中的一切都应该这样，无论是其他人的工作方式，或是政治活动，或是新闻多么让人沮丧等。客观的接受它们，并试图理解它们为什么会这样。这会使你省掉许多忧伤或愤慨，你不会再说：“我真希望事情不是这样的烂！”但这就代表你再也不要改变事物了么？当然不是。但当你试图去改变事物的时候，目的上不该是因为你无法接受它或者讨厌它，而是因为你喜欢这改变的过程，因为你可以从中学到很多并使自己成长很多。我们能让这世界变得更美好么？这句话本身就再一次给了一个错误的假设，认为这世界不好。反过来，我们应该说世界就是这样的，没有什么绝对的好与不好。我们可以继续帮助他人，提高自己，创造新的事物…并不是我们自己不好，也不是因为这世界太烂了，而是因为这是我们选择的生活方式，也是我们喜欢的生活方式。当人们能够主观的控制自己的判断，换个角度看待事物：接受并试图理解。这产生的影响一定会很有趣。