Random Thoughts――Party
Last night， pressured by well- intentioned friends， for the first time in months， I came out of writer' s seclusion1 and attended a cocktail party which is another word for a social gathering. So there I was， trapped in a crowded room， people milling2 all around me， each with a drink in hand， chitchatting3 while the waiters skillfully negotiated4 their way through the bustle5 with trays of colorful beverages6 and fancy hors d' oeuvres7.It was definitely party time！
Yet， instead of losing myself to the convivial8 surroundings of food， drink and conversations， I found myself retreating back into my head all the way to China where the subject of American sociality is of great interest.
In China， many of my students are curious about how Americans party and have a good time. "What do you do？ Sing and dance？ To what kind of music？"
"What's American party talk？" " How do you dress and act at a party？" "How about food？ What do you eat？"
Every year， without fail， students ask their foreign teachers to dedicate a full class to this fascinating topic. Of course， one would think that a subject as interesting and entertaining as such would make for an excellent lesson plan， a rich source of discussions. But to my surprise， many teachers run into roadblocks9 when generating 10 this particular lesson plan.
"Michelle， Michelle！ I have to teach a class on American parties. And I only have， hmm， five things to say about it. And that' ll take about five minutes. What am I supposed to do after that？" They cry.
"Well， tell me what those five things are，" I ask.
"Arrive late， talk， eat， drink， and have a blast." They blurt out.
It is true that the five steps listed above encompass11 much of the goings-on12 at American social gatherings. Of course， during parties for special occasions such as： Birthdays， holidays， weddings， baby showers， anniversaries， graduations， etc.， there are additional ceremonies such as： cake cutting， gift opening， dancing， toasting， game playing， etc. But regardless， the fundamentals of a typical American soiree 13 are good company， good food and drinks， and good times.
A sound simply， doesn't it？ But if you were to look deeper and think further， you'll realize that there's far more to these steps than meets the eyes.
1. FASHIONABLY LATE
It is a major faux pas14 （social embarrassment） to arrive at a party early or even on time. Therefore， with the exception of the hosts， you never want to be the first person present at a social function. Why？ Because people fear that others may think that they have no life or nothing better to do than waiting for a party to start. Many Americans try to project15 an image of business which， whether true or not， has a positive correlation16 with success. So by arriving late， you are saying： "I lead a full life and it's exciting and productive."
Therefore， an 8 o' clock party customarily doesn't really start until maybe 9 o' clock as everyone wants to be thought of as a busy and important person with lots to do. In other words， a party is one of those rare occasions where your punctuality17 can actually hurt you. Weird18， isn't it. Anyhow， remember， be fashionably late.
2. SMALL TALK
One way of gauging19 the success of a party is by the noise meter. The louder the party is， the more happening it is， and the more fun people are having. Then you stop to wonder， if it' s so noisy， how can people really hear each other and have great， engaging conversations？ The truth is： They don't. They engage in small talk， which is another word for casual， trivial conversations. They chew the fat20， shoot the breeze21 and swap anecdotes about random subjects： work， family， news， weather， hobbies， etc. Because the surrounding noise and activities often sidetrack people， it's difficult to get personal or discuss any one topic at length or in depth. The point is to have fun， not to get serious.
However， keep in mind that since people tend to be in good moods and spirit when attending a social function， parties often provide an excellent environment for making new friends and establishing valuable business contacts. In fact， in many professions， important business transactions22 are initiated at a social event. People meet， have a nice chat， exchange information， and make a good impression. Sometimes that' s all it takes to begin a long-lasting friendship or business association. So never underestimate the power of small talk.
3. FOOD FOR FUN
With the exception of dinner parties where a full meal is served， most parties offer finger foods――food that you pick up with your fingers. （So don' t worry， it is not impolite to eat with your hands at parties.） Some of the classic party foods are cheese and crackers23， crudité s24 （vegetables and dip）， fruits， shrimp toasts， Swiss meatballs， mini-sandwiches， shrimp cocktail， etc. And believe it or not， Asian foods are now in fashion. Mini egg rolls， California sushi25 rolls and various dim sum dishes always add an exotic flair to a party. And the Americans love it.
Anyhow， party foods aren't meant to be eaten as a meal. They are simply yummy26 accents to the party and eaten to absorb all that alcohol you' re about to consume.So don' t pile too much food on your plate.Remember，you can always get refills.And one more thing，don' t talk with your mouth full.It' s rude.
4. DRINK AND BE MERRY？
Here' s a frequently used party acronym27， BYOB： Bring Your Own Bottle.
Alcohol plays a big part in most American parties. People drink to relax， unwind and enjoy themselves. Anyhow that's the way it should be.
Unfortunately it' s not always the case and sometimes you sense the unspoken pressure to join the crowd. As a result， you feel out of place28 without a beverage in your hand. I even notice from observation that frequently the first thing people do upon arriving at a party is to hit the bar， kick off 29 the night with a few drinks. Sometimes， there are even those， mostly young， who go to parties for the sole purpose of getting drunk， trashed， plastered30， totaled. Not a smart thing to do since we all know the effect alcohol can have on us. （People tend to talk loudly when they' re intoxicated which might explain why it' s so loud at parties.）
In America， there' s definitely a negative association between drinking and partying. If you lose control of your drinking， you lose control of your partying， vise versa31. As a result， drunks not only make a fool of themselves but their drunken behavior could endanger their safety and the safety of others. I suppose as with most things， moderation is the key.
聚会随想
昨天晚上，在几位好心朋友的大力劝说下，我数月来首次走出书房参加一场鸡尾酒会，换言之，出席了一次社交聚会。我被困在一个拥挤的房间里，人们在我的四周走动，手里都拿着一杯饮料，交谈着；招待员手托放着五颜六色的饮料和美味小吃的托盘，灵巧地穿梭在人群中。这真是一场聚会！
然而我并没有沉浸在吃喝谈话的友好气氛中，我的思潮回到了中国。在那里，有关美国社交活动是个极有趣的话题。
在中国，我的许多学生对于美国人如何举办社交聚会以及如何玩得愉快十分感兴趣。"你们聚会时做什么？唱歌，跳舞？演奏什么乐曲？"
"美国人聚会时谈些什么？""你们参加聚会穿些什么？做些什么？""食品怎么样？吃些什么？"
每年肯定都会有学生要求他们的外教就此引人兴趣的话题讲授一节课。人们当然会认为如此有趣的话题应该被列入很好的授课计划，可以引发热烈的讨论。然而令我惊讶的是，不少教师在为这个特定的话题备课时遇到了难题。
他们说："士梅，士梅！我得讲授一堂有关美国人聚会的课程。而我，嗯，就此只能谈五点，而这五点只需要五分钟的时间。接下来，我该做什么呢？"
我问他们："那么告诉我，那五点的内容是什么。"
他们脱口说道："迟到、交谈、吃、喝、找乐趣".
以上五点的确包括了美国社交聚会的主要内容。但在一些特殊的场合举行的聚会上，如：过生日、过节、结婚、婴儿洗礼、周年庆祝、毕业典礼等，还会有些传统的仪式，如：切蛋糕、打开礼品、跳舞、祝酒、玩游戏等。无论是哪种聚会，典型的美国社交晚会的基调是让人们交友、吃好、喝好、玩得愉快。
听上去很简单，不是吗？你要是看得远一点，想得深一些，你会发现还有远比这些表面所见更多的东西。
1.迟到为时髦
参加聚会，早到、甚至准时抵达最令人难堪。所以，除非作主人，你千万不要第一个出现在社交活动的现场。为什么？因为人们担心，这样做，别人会以为自己生活乏味或是除了等候参加聚会外无其他事可做。许多美国人都想把自己设想成事业有成的人，不管是真还是假。因此，迟到就意味着你在向大家宣布："我生活得很充实，令人兴奋又业绩颇丰。"
因为大家都想被当作是一位忙碌而繁事缠身的要人，所以习惯上定于8时开始的聚会可能得到9时才真正开始，换言之，聚会是这样一种少有的场合，准时到达反而可能会对你有所损害。说来也真怪，是吧。不管怎么样，记住，迟到是时髦。
2.闲谈聊天
衡量聚会是否成功的一个标准就是聚会时声音的高低。聚会的声音越大，发生的事情越多，人们得到的乐趣亦多。这样你会想，如果真的如此喧闹，人们怎么能真切地听到相互的谈话，如何进行深入的交谈？事实是，他们不会进行深入的交谈。人们进行闲谈聊天，也就是随意交谈，谈些琐碎的事情。人们就工作、家庭、新闻、天气、爱好等聊聊天，侃侃大山，交换一些奇闻轶事。由于身边的噪音和活动常常会转移人们的注意力，因此很难在这种场合进行个人谈话或者就某一话题进行长久深入的讨论。人们在这里主要是找乐趣，不需要严肃话题。
然而要记住，人们在参加社交活动时心情愉快舒畅，聚会常可以给大家提供一个结交新朋友、建立有价值的业务联系的极好场合。事实上，在许多行业，重要的商业交易往往始于某一次社交活动。人们聚在一起，愉快交谈，交换信息，留下良好的印象。有时，这就是持久友谊和商业联系的开始。所以，千万不要低估闲谈聊天的作用。
3.食物助兴
除了晚宴上全席外，大多数聚会只上小吃――用手指取食。（不必担心，聚会上用手指取食品不是一种失礼的表现。）聚会上，一些传统的食品为奶酪、饼干、蔬菜色拉（蔬菜和调料酱）、水果、虾味小面包、瑞士肉丸、小块三明治、虾味鸡尾酒等。不管你信不信，现在时兴的是亚洲食品。小蛋卷、加利福尼亚寿司卷以及各种各样的饺子、春卷等小点心，总能为聚会增添一分异国情趣。美国人喜爱这个。
不管怎样，聚会上的食品不能当作是正餐，它们只是用来使聚会更有味，吃这些食品是为了吸收你要喝的酒精饮料。因此，在你的盘子里不要取放过多的食品。记住，如不够，还可以再添取。此外，当你嘴里塞满了食物的时候，不要说话，否则是不礼貌的。
4.饮酒取乐？
在聚会上常用的一个词句的缩语是BYOB：带上你自己的酒瓶。
酒精饮料在美国的聚会上起着很大的作用。人们以喝酒来放松自己，轻轻松松地自我享受一下。不管怎么说，事情应该是这样。
遗憾的是，情况往往不是这样。有时候你要跟大家在一起，就感到有种说不出的压力。结果是，你觉得手中没酒就很不自在。我甚至在观察中还发现，人们参加聚会所做的第一件事情往往是到酒台前，先喝上几杯再接着参加聚会。有时候，甚至还有一些人，大多数是年轻人，参加聚会的惟一目的就是喝个酩酊大醉，一醉方休。这样做是不明智的，我们都知道酒精对人所产生的作用。（人喝醉了酒往往就会高声说话，这可能就是聚会时人声如此鼎沸的缘故。）
在美国，饮酒与聚会之间肯定有着一种负面的联系。如果你饮酒失去控制，你就不能控制你在聚会上的举止，反之亦然。结果，酗酒不仅使自己出丑，其行为还会危及自身的安全和他人的安全。我想，就像许多其他事情一样，节制是关键。
注释：
1.seclusion n.隔绝，隐居
2.mill vi.（人群）无目的地乱转
3.chitchat vi.聊天，闲谈
4.negotiate vt.顺利通过
5.bustle n.忙乱，喧扰
6.beverage n.饮料（如牛奶、茶等）
7.hors d'oeuvres开胃小吃，冷盘
8.convivial adj.宴饮交际的
9.roadblock n.障碍，关卡
10.generate vt.使存在，形成，产生
11.encompass vt.包含，包括
12.goings-on n.发生的事情，事态
13.soiree n.社交聚会，晚会
14.fauxpas 有失检点的话（或行为）
15.project vt.设想
16.correlation n.联系
17.punctuality n.准时
18.weird adj.奇怪的，不可思议的
19.gauge vt.估计，判定
20.chew the fat闲扯，闲聊
21.shoot the breeze闲聊
22.transaction n.（一笔）交易，业务
23.cracker n.薄脆饼干，饼干
24.crudités n.蔬菜色拉
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