怎样脱解尴尬，做一个健谈的人（1/2）

How to be a good conversationalist?

Are you a good conversationalist? What makes someone a good conversationalist? Being a good conversationalist is important in every context, be it in business, social, or dating.你是不是一名好的健谈者？什么能让你变得健谈呢？无论在何种情况下，作为一名好的健谈者都是非常重要的，无论是商业、还是社交或是约会。
I don’t think there are any “tricks” or shady techniques you have to apply to be a great conversationalist. Below are ten timeless rules I apply to all my conversations:我认为要想成为好的健谈者，不需要任何的“招数”或不正当的手法。下面是我用到谈话中永不过时的10条原则：
1. Be genuinely interested in the person.对谈话的人真正感兴趣
Who is this person? What’s on his/her mind? What does he/she enjoy doing? What motivates him/her in life? These are the questions I have for every single person I meet. Since people form the core of my life purpose (to help others grow), my genuine interest in people, from who they are to what they do, comes naturally.这个人是谁？他/她在想什么？他/她喜欢做什么？什么激励着他/她的生活？我每遇见一个人，我都会想这样的问题。由于人们成为了我生活目标的核心（帮助他人成长）， 我对他人的兴趣，从他们是谁到他们做什么，就很自然地产生了。
Such genuine interest, not an artificial one, is essential to making a conversation fly. If you are not interested in the other person, then why speak to him/her to begin with? Move on to someone you really want to talk to. Life is too short to be spent doing things you don’t like.这样的兴趣是发自内心的，而不是虚假的， 这是让谈话出彩的必要条件。如果你对他人不感兴趣，为什么要和他/她说话呢？去和你真正想谈话的人说话。生活苦短，不要把它浪费在你不喜欢的事情上。
2. Focus on the positives.关注正能量
Rather than talk about past grievances, opt for a discussion of future goals. Rather than talk about the coffee that spilled on your table this morning, talk about that movie you are looking forward to watch later in the evening. It is okay to talk about “negative” topics once in a while, but only when you feel it is okay with the other party and when it has a specific purpose (e.g., to get to know the other person better or to bond with the person).与其谈论过去的悲伤，不如去讨论未来的目标。与其谈论今天早晨洒在你桌子上的咖啡，不如谈论一下晚上你想看的电影。偶尔谈论一下“负面”话题也是可以的， 但最好是当你觉得对方也能接受并且有特定目的时（比如，更好地了解对方或和对方建立联系）。
3. Converse, not debate (or argue).交谈而不是辩论（争吵）
A conversation should be a platform where opinions are aired, not a battle ground to pit one’s stance against another. Be ready to chat, discuss, and trash out ideas, but do so amiably. There’s no need to have a conclusion or agreement point in every discussion; if a convergence has to be met with everything that is mooted, the conversation would be very draining. Allow for things to be left open-ended if a common point can’t be achieved.谈话应该是交流观点的平台，而不是一对一的硝烟战场。在准备交谈、讨论和清理想法时，态度要和蔼。没有必要每次讨论都要下结论或达成一致。如果每次都谈有争议的内容，那么谈话会非常吃力。如果无法达到共识，可以让事物处于开放状态。
4. Respect.尊重
Don’t impose, criticize, or judge. Respect other people’s point of view. Respect other people’s space—don’t encroach on the person’s privacy unless a common bond has been established. Respect other people’s personal choices—don’t criticize or judge. Everyone has his/her right to be him/herself, just as you have the right to be yourself.不要强加、批评或评判。尊重他人的观点，尊重他人的空间——不要侵犯他人的隐私除非建立了共同的联系；尊重他人的个人选择——不要批评或评判。每个人都有自己的权利成为他/她自己， 就像你有权利成为你自己一样。

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