维系永恒的婚姻与爱情

Of all the misconceptions about love， the most powerful and pervasive （普遍深入的）is the belief that falling in love is Of all the misconceptions about love， the most powerful and pervasive （普遍深入的）is the belief that falling in love is loveorat least one of the manifestations （显现，表示）of love。 －－ M。 SCOTT PECK

People who are marriedorin committed relationships are healthier， wealthier， and happier。 So why do more than 60 percent of marriages end in divorce？ Why has the national divorce rate climbed more than 200 percent in the last thirty years？ And why are fewer people getting married today than ever before？

The answers to these questions are plentiful， but the main reason is simple。 Its easy to fall in love， but very few people know how to stay in love。 Even though staying in love is our smartest choice all the way around！ Recent studies on marriage prove its one of the major ingredients （成分，因素）in life－long success for men and women。 It lengthens life， substantially boosts （推进）physical and emotional health， and raises income over that of singleordivorced peopleorthose who live together， reported an article in the New York Times。 Marriage has also been found to boost happiness， reduce the degree of depression， and provide protection from sexually transmitted diseases。

So lets wake up， make up， and turn this trend around！ One of the most startling （令人吃惊的）pieces of evidence that shows people are not in touch with （了解。。。的情况）whats really going on in their partnerships is the fact that the majority of people who file （v。提出申请）for divorce say they didnt think there was a relationship－threatening problem just six months prior to breaking up。 Another shocker is that most couples wait six yearsormore to seek professional help when their relationship is in danger。 By the time they do wake up and smell the coffee， its often too late。

Truly there is no reason to resign yourself to a bad relationship ？ whether youre datingormarried。 Rather than changing partners and ending up this same predicament （困境）again， you can learn to have a fabulous relationship with the partner you already have！ I strongly encourage you to make the relationship you have work， because there is a higher rate of divorce and adultery in second marriages。

Getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem， because half of the problem is yours。 You can walk out on your marriage， but you cant run away from yourself， no matter how hard you try！ Rather than blaming each other， couples can learn how to work as a team and coach each other through the troubled times and power struggles。 To do this， you must create a safe relationship so you can express your needs and fears and effectively resolve anger and conflict。 More relationships break up because people dont know how to validate （验证）each other （that frustration escalates to become anger） than for any other reason。 This is truly a shame， because the skills for fighting fair are very easy to master with just a little practice and patience。

One of the biggest causes of unresolved anger between people is a lack of understanding。 Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses， different ways of expressing ourselves， and different childhood wounds that were trying to heal。 While it may seem like were from different planets we are actually very much alike when it comes to our need and desire for love and intimacy。 We only behave differently in our quests for （追求，探索）closeness。 Stop doing what you think is fairorright and start doing what works！ Its not about working harder its about working smarter。

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