美国演员约翰法瑞尔2003年在哈佛大学毕业典礼上的演讲——真实的世界（中英）
Ladies and Gentlemen, Distinguished Faculty, Administrators, Friends and Family and, of course, the graduating Class of 2003，I wish to say hello and thank you for bestowing this honor upon me as your Class Day speaker. After months of secret negotiations, several hundred secret ballots, and a weekend retreat with Vice President Dick Cheney in his secret mountain bunker, a Class Day speaker was chosen, and it was me. You obviously have made a grave error. But it’s too late now. So let’s just go with it.
女士们、先生们、各位尊敬的老师、理事、朋友以及在座的家长们，当然还有 2003届毕业班的同学们，我在这里向你们问好，并感谢大家授予我这份殊荣，让我 作你们毕业纪念日的演讲。经过数月的秘密商讨，在统计了数百张不记名的投票以 及和副总统迪克切尼先生一起在他的私密山庄里进行整整一个周末的反复思量之 后，毕业纪念日的演讲者最终被选定了，那个人就是我。你们显然犯了一个严重的 错误。但是现在你们后悔也来不及了，所以我们就将就着吧。
Today’s speech is going to be a little different, a little unorthodox. Some of you may find it to be shocking. I’m not going to stand up here and try to be funny. Because even though I am a professional comedian of the highest caliber, Fve decided to do one thing that a lot of people are probably afraid to do, and that’s give it to you straight.
今天的演讲将会有所不同，有点颠覆传统。你们当中有些人可能会觉得震惊。我 不会站在这里努力搞笑取悦观众。原因是，我虽然是一个顶尖的职业喜剧演员，但我决定要做一件许多人都不敢做的事情，那就是开门见山地向你们坦诚地作演讲。
As most of you are probably aware, I didn’t graduate from Harvard. In fact, I never even got a call back from Admissions. Damn you, Harvard! Damn you! I told myself I would not get emotional today. But damn it, I’m here，and sometimes it’s just good to cry.
你们当中的一部分人可能会知道我并不是哈佛的毕业生。事实上，我甚至从未 接到过招生处的回电。疼死的哈佛！该死！我曾告诉我自己今天不能太情绪化。但 是，该死的，我现在就在哈佛。有时候抱怨一下也挺好的。
I‘m not one of you. Okay? I can’t relate to who you are and what you’ve been through. I graduated from the University of Life. All right? I received a degree from the School of Hard Knocks. And our colors were black and blue, baby. I had office hours with the Dean of Bloody Noses. All right? I borrowed my class notes from Professor Knuckle Sandwich and his Teaching Assistant, Ms. Fat Lip Thon Nyun. That’s the kind of school I went to for real, okay?
我并非你们当中的一员。我并不知道你们是谁，也不知道你们曾经历过什么。 我毕业于“人生大学”。对吧？我从一所名为“无情打击”的大学里获得学位，这 所大学里的学生都是遍体鱗伤，我从被打得鲜血淋漓的鼻子中获得教训。对吧？我 从一名名为“生活的打压”的教授那里获得知识。知道了吧，这就是我所上的现实 生活这所大学。 ‘
So my gift to you, Class of 2003，is to tell you about the real world through my eyes，through my experiences. And I’m sorry, but I refuse to sugarcoat it. I ain’t gonna do it. And I probably shouldn’t use the word “ain’t” during this day in which we celebrate education. But that’s just the way I play it, Homes.
所以2003届毕业班的同学们，我送给你们的礼物就是把我在现实世界中看到的、 经历过的情况告诉你们。抱歉，我不打算去美化它，我不会这么做的。在今天庆祝你 们毕业的日子里，或许我不该用“不”这个字眼，但是这就是我i兑话的方式。
Graduates, if you will indulge me for a moment, let me paint a picture of what it’s like out there. The last four or, for some of you, five years you’ve been living in a fantasyland, running around，talking about Hemingway, or Clancy, or, I don’t know， I mean whatever you read here at Harvard. The Novelization of the Matrix, I don’t know. I don’t know what you do here.
毕业生们，你们能再迁就一会儿，让我来描述一下外面的世界吧。对你们当 中一些人来说，在过去的四五年里，你们生活在梦幻乐园里，四处奔跑，谈论海明威或克兰西，又或者是某某某，我指的是我不知道你们在哈佛都会阅读什么样的东 西。《黑客帝国》吗？我也不知道。我不知道你们在这里做些什么。
But I do know this. You’re about to enter into a world filled with hypocrisy and doublespeak, a world in which your limo to the airport is often a half-hour late. In addition to not even being a limo at all; often times it’s a Lincoln Towncar. You，re about to enter a world where you ask your new assistant, Jamie, to bring you a tall, non-fat latte. And he comes back with a short soy cappuccino. Guess what, Jamie? You’re fired. Not too hard to get right, my friend.
但我却知道这个,你们即将进人一个到处充满着虚假伪善、巧言令色的世界。在 这样一个世界里，你乘坐的去往机场的豪华轿车总是会迟到半小时。此外，可能根本 不是辆豪华轿车，通常只是一辆“林肯城市”。你们将要走入一个这样的世界,在这个 世界里，你如果让你的助手杰米给你买一份大杯脱脂的拿铁，她带回来的却是一小杯 大豆卡布奇诺。杰米，你猜怎么着，你被解雇了。朋友们，要做对一件事并不很难。
A world where your acting coach, Bob Duncan~yes, the Bob Duncan~tells you time and time again that you will never, ever be considered as a dramatic actor because you don’t play things real，and are too over the top. Amazing! Simply amazing!
在这样一个世界里，你的演出指导鲍勃邓肯，就是那个鲍勃邓肯会反复 告诉你，你永远都不会成为一个出色的演员，因为你演的不逼真，而且太言过其实 了。震惊！只是太令人震惊了。
I‘m sorry, graduates. But this is a world where you aren’t allowed to use your cell phone in airplanes, during live theater, at the movies, at funerals, or even during your own elective surgery.
毕业生们，抱歉。但是，在这样一个世界里，你不能在飞机上、在戏院里使用 手机，在看电影和参加葬礼时也不能用，甚至是在你自己的小手术中也不能使用。
Apparently, the Berlin Wall went back up because we now live in Russia. I mean just try lighting up a cigar in a movie theater or paying for a dinner for 20 friends with an autograph. It ain’t that easy. Strong words, I know. Tough talk. But more like tough love. Because this is where my faith in you guys comes into play, Harvard University’s graduating Class of 2003, without a doubt, the finest, most talented group of sexual beings this great land has to offer.
很显然，柏林墙又竖立起来了，因为目前我们好像是生活在俄罗斯！要不然你 试试在电影院看电影时点根雪茄试试看，或是在账单上签上自己的大名为一个20个朋友的聚餐买单，事情并不这么容易。我知道我的言辞过于激烈。与其说这是一番 强硬的谈话，倒不如说这更像是严厉的爱。因为这正是我对你们有信心的地方。毫 无疑问，哈佛大学2003届毕业班的同学是这片土地最优秀、最具天赋的青年。
Now I know I blew some of your minds with my depiction of what it‘s really like out there. But if anyone can handle the ups and downs of this crazy blue marble we call Planet Earth, it’s you guys. As I stare out into this vast sea of shining faces, I see the best and brightest. Some of you will be captains of industry and business. Others of you will go on to great careers in medicine, law and public service. Four of you—and I，m not at liberty to say which four~will go on to magnificent careers in the pomo industry. I’m not trying to be funny. That’s just a statistical fact.
我知道此时此刻你们当中有些人由于我对外面世界的描述而感到惊讶。如果说 谁能成为这个被我们称作是地球的疯狂的蓝色大理石上的弄潮儿，那肯定是你们。 当我望向这片由你们闪亮的脸庞组成的汪洋时，我看到了你们当中那些最棒的，最 有前途的同学。你们中一些人将会成为工业大亨或商界领袖，其他人可能在医药、 法律、公共服务行业大展拳脚。你们当中有4个人，我不能指名道姓地说是哪4个将 会在色情行业取得了巨大成就。我并不是在开玩笑，统计数据的事实就是这样。
One of you, specifically John Lee, will spend most of your time just hanging out in your car eating nachos. You will all come back from time to time to this beautiful campus for reunions, and ask the question, “Does anyone ever know what happened to John Lee?” At that point, he will invariably pop out from the bushes and yell, “Nachos anyone?!” At first, it will scare the crap out of you. But then you’ll share a laugh with your classmates and ultimately look forward to John jumping out of the bushes as a yearly event.
你们中有一个人，具体来说是约翰李将在大多数时间里，边吃着那可边开着 车兜风。你们将会一次次回到这个美丽的校园里重聚，并问道，“你们知道约翰* 李怎么样了吗？ ”就在这个时候，他将会出其不意地从树丛冲蹦出来，叫道：“谁 要来点那可吗？ ”起先，这会把你们吓坏了。但过一会儿，你就会和同学们~起笑 开了，最后你们会期待每年这个时候约翰李都会从树丛里跳出来。
I’d like to change gears here, if I could. Talk a little bit about ￡tSaturday Night Live,” Now，during my 18-year stint on the show, I had the chance to play or impersonate some very interesting people, none more interesting than our current President, Mr. George W. Bush. Now in some cases, you actually have contact with some of the people you play. As a byproduct of this former situation, the President and myself have become quite good friends. In fact, I might even call him a father figure of sorts, granted a dim-witted father figure who likes to take a lot of naps and start wars, but a father figure nonetheless.
如果可以的话，我想说点题外话，就是关于“周六夜现场”的事情。到现在为 止，我已经出演18年了，因此我有机会和一些非常有趣的人一起玩乐、交往。其中 最有趣的要数现任总统乔治小布什了。如今在一些情况下，你会和一些一起演出 的人保持联系。属于这种情况的一个例子就是“总统”和我成为了很要好的朋友。 事实上，他在我心中是某种父亲般的形象，一种傻傻的父亲形象——尽管他热爱打 瞌睡，发动战争，但还是某种父亲般的形象。
When I told the President that Yd be speaking here today, he wondered if I would express some sentiments to you. And I said I，d do my best. So, if you don’t mind，I’d like to read this message from the President of the United States.
当我告诉他我将来这儿发表演讲时，他想知道我是否能替他向你们表达祝贺。 我说我会尽力而为。所以，如果你们不介意的话，我想向你们宣读这条来自美国总 统的信息。
Students, Faculty，Families and Distinguished Guests, I just want to take time to congratulate you on your outstanding achievement as graduates of the Class of 2003. The great thing about being the Class of 2003 is that you can always remember what year you graduated because 2002 is a palindrome which，of course, is a word or number that is the same read backwards or forwards. Fll bet you*re surprised I know that word, but I do. So you can stuck on it.
同学们、老师们、家长朋友们以及尊敬的嘉宾们，我只是占用大家一点点时间 向2003届毕业生同学们所取得的卓越成就表示祝贺。作为2003届毕业生最好的事情 就是你总能记起你是哪一年毕业的。因为2002是个回文，不管你从前面或者后面开 始念都一样的单词或数字。我打赌，你们对于我竟然知道这个单词而惊讶不已,但 我确实知道这个单词，所以随你们怎么惊讶吧。
I’m going to be honest with you, I just made that up. But I don’t know how to delete it from the computer. Tomorrow’s graduation day speaker is former President of Mexico Ernesto Zedillo. Ernie’s a good man, a deeply religious man, and one of the original members of the Latino boy band Menudo. So listen up to Ernie. He was at the beginning of the whole boy band explosion.
老实告诉你们吧，刚才那句话是我编的。但是我不知道怎样将它从电脑上删除。明天的毕业日演讲嘉宾是前墨西哥总统埃内斯托塞迪略。他人不错，是个虔 诚的宗教信徒，而且还是拉丁男孩乐队最早的成员之一。所以听听他的忠告吧，他 那时可是处在男孩乐队刚开始大红大紫的时候啊。
As you set off into the world, don't be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky. All of you sitting here have the brightest of futures ahead. Many of you will go on to stellar careers and various pursuits. And four of you—and I，m not at liberty to say which four~will go on to star in the porno industry.
由于你们刚开始涉足社会，不要害怕向你们的上级发问。但是一次不要问太多 问题，否则那就太糟糕了，因为你的上级会感到厌烦或者会对你大发脾气。你们在 座的所有人都前途无量。你们当中许多人将会从事一流的职业，并且追求许多不同 的东西。但是你们中有4个人——我不能明说是具体哪4个人将会重演于色情业o
One of the challenges you will be faced with is finding a job in our depressed economy. In fact, the chances of landing a decent job are about as good as finding weapons of mass destruction in the Iraqi desert. Slim and none. And Slim just left the building. In fact, the closest thing I found to looking like a weapon of mass destruction is the turd that Dick Cheney left in the Oval Office toilet about an hour ago. Man, that thing is a WMD if I've ever seen one. On that note: God bless and happy graduation.
你们将会面临的一大挑战就是在低迷的经济形势下找到一份工作。事实上，找 到一份体面工作的概率就和在伊拉克沙漠中寻找到大规模杀伤性武器的概率是一样 的，概率微乎其微，甚至是不可能。实际上，我认为最类似大规模杀伤性武器的东西 是一小时前迪克切尼留在总统办公室洗手间里的排泄物。如果我曾经见过什么所谓 的大规模杀伤性武器的话，那就是它了。上面写着：愿上帝保佑你们，祝毕业愉快。
You know, I sincerely hope you enjoy this next chapter of your life because it’s really going to be great, as long as you pay your taxes. And don’t just take a year off because you think Uncle Sam is snoozing at the wheel because he will descend upon you like a hawk from hell. Let’s just put it this way. After some past indiscretions with the IRS, my take-home pay last year was $9,000.
我衷心希望你们能好好享受你们人生的下个篇章，因为只要你依法纳税，它真 的会很精彩。你不要想当然地认为政府会有所懈怡而因此偷税，哪怕只是一年也不行。如果那样的话，就让我们暂且这么说吧，政府会像来自地狱的老鹰般来到你身 边。由于税务局的一些差错，我去年的税后收入只有9000美元。
I figured Yd leave you today with a song, if you will. So, Jeff, if you could come up here. Jeff Heck, everyone. Please welcome one of your fellow graduates. Jeff is, of course，from Eliot House. You know what you guys? You guys at Eliot House, give yourselves a nice round of applause because you had the head lice scare this year, and it shut you down for most of last semester. But you didn’t mind the tents they set up for you, and you were just troopers. You really were.
如果你们愿意的话，我想以一首歌来结束我的演讲。杰夫你能上来一下吗？各 位，这是杰夫海克，大家欢迎你们的毕业生兄弟。当然杰夫来自艾略特楼。你们 知道你是谁吗？你们这些住在略特楼的伙计们，给自己来点热烈的掌声，因为今 年你们受到了头虱的威胁，而且由于头虱的缘故，你们在最后一个学期大部分时间 都被挡在楼外。但是你们并不介意住在他们为你们搭建的帐篷里，你们还真是坚韧 不拔啊。
Anyway, here’s a song that I think really captures the essence of the Harvard experience. It goes a little like this.
无论如何，我想有首歌最能概括你们在哈佛求学经历的精华部分，这首歌是这 样唱的……
Okay, you know what? I’m just realizing that this is a terrible graduation song. Once again, I’m sorry. This is the first time I’ve actually listened to the lyrics. Man, it’s a downer. It’s bleak.
你们知道吗？我刚刚才意识到这是一首糟糕的毕业赠曲。我再次向你们表示歉意。 实际上，这还是我第一次细听这首歌的歌词。这首歌太忧郁了，太令人沮丧了。
Boy, I want to finish this. Just give me a minute, and let me figure out how to fix this thing. Okay. I think I got it.
兄弟，我想唱完这首歌。给我一分钟就行了，让我想想该怎样使这首歌听起来 好听一些。好了，我想我知道了。
Thank you. Good luck. And have a great day tomorrow.
谢谢大家，祝你们好运，前程似锦。
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