TED英语演讲集：Let's talk parenting taboos 为人父母的育儿的禁忌[中英字幕]

Alisa Volkman: So this is where our story begins -- the dramatic moments of the birth of our first son, Declan. Obviously a really profound moment, and it changed our lives in many ways. It also changed our lives in many unexpected ways, and those unexpected ways we later reflected on, that eventually spawned a business idea between the two of us, and a year later, we launched Babble, a website for parents.

阿利萨·沃尔克曼Alisa Volkman: 我们的故事是从这里开始的 富有戏剧性的一刻 我们的儿子德克兰Declan出生了。 显然这的确是一个非常重要的时刻， 它从各个方面改变了我们的生活。 它对我们的生活产生了很多没有预料到的改变， 这些改变后来影响着我们， 最终导致我们两个产生了一个新的商务想法， 一年以后， 我们启动了Babble 一个给家长的网页。

Rufus Griscom: Now I think of our story as starting a few years earlier. AV: That's true.

鲁弗斯·格里斯科姆Rufus Griscom; 现在我想想， 我们的故事 其实是几年前就开始了。 ( AV：那是真的。)

RG: You may remember, we fell head over heels in love.

RG：你也许记得， 我们那时彻头彻尾地相爱。

AV: We did.

AV：是的。

RG: We were at the time running a very different kind of website. It was a website called Nerve.com, the tagline of which was "literate smut." It was in theory, and hopefully in practice, a smart online magazine about sex and culture.

RG：那个时候我们在运作一个非常不同的网页。 它叫做：Nerve.com 它的标题是有关“色情文学”。 我们希望它在理论上， 或者实践上也是， 一个睿智地讲述 性和文化的时髦网络杂志。

AV: That spawned a dating site. But you can understand the jokes that we get. Sex begets babies. You follow instructions on Nerve and you should end up on Babble, which we did. And we might launch a geriatric site as our third. We'll see.

AV：这个杂志催生出了一个约会网。 但是你们可能理解我们的玩笑了：性招致婴儿的到来。 你按Nerve上的说明行事，结果就是得到个小孩， 这就发生在我们身上。 我们还很可能建立一个老年网，等着瞧吧。

RG: But for us, the continuity between Nerve and Babble was not just the life stage thing, which is, of course, relevant, but it was really more about our desire to speak very honestly about subjects that people have difficulty speaking honestly about. It seems to us that when people start dissembling, people start lying about things, that's when it gets really interesting. That's a subject that we want to dive into. And we've been surprised to find, as young parents, that there are almost more taboos around parenting than there are around sex.

RG: 但是对我们来说， Nerve和 Babble之间的传承 不只是生活中的不同阶段， 当然，它们是相关的， 但事实上它们更多地意味着 我们渴望诚实地讲述 很多在人们看来非常困难诚实表述的话题。 我们觉得 当人们掩饰的时候， 人们开始撒谎， 这个现象很有意思， 这是我们想要深入的话题。 而我们吃惊地发现， 作为年轻的父母， 为人父母的禁忌 居然比性的禁忌还多。

AV: It's true. So like we said, the early years were really wonderful, but they were also really difficult. And we feel like some of that difficulty was because of this false advertisement around parenting. (Laughter) We subscribed to a lot of magazines, did our homework, but really everywhere you look around, we were surrounded by images like this. And we went into parenting expecting our lives to look like this. The sun was always streaming in, and our children would never be crying. I would always be perfectly coiffed and well rested, and in fact, it was not like that at all.

AV：真的， 如我们所说， 最初的几年真的是很美好， 但有时也很困难。 而我们觉得某些困难 是因为那些围绕着为人父母的错误广告造成的。 (笑声) 我们订了很多杂志， 做了我们的功课， 但是我们看到的每个地方， 我们都被这样的图片包围着。 我们就是这样进入家长期的 并期望我们的生活也看着跟这些照片似的。 阳光永远照耀， 我们的孩子从来不哭闹。 我常常做好的发型几近完美，并总能得到充分的休息。 但事实上， 我压根儿不是那样的。

RG: When we lowered the glossy parenting magazine that we were looking at, with these beautiful images, and looked at the scene in our actual living room, it looked a little bit more like this. These are our three sons. And of course, they're not always crying and screaming, but with three boys, there's a decent probability that at least one of them will not be comporting himself exactly as he should.

RG：当我们放下这些光鲜的家长杂志 放下那些美丽的图片， 看着我们客厅里的实际景象， 这才是实际情况。 这是我们的三个儿子。 当然，他们并不总是哭闹叫喊。 但是， 三个男孩，很可能的情况是 至少其中一个表现不好 正如他本该表现的那样。

AV: Yes, you can see where the disconnect was happening for us. We really felt like what we went in expecting had nothing to do with what we were actually experiencing, and so we decided we really wanted to give it to parents straight. We really wanted to let them understand what the realities of parenting were in an honest way.

AV：是的， 你可以看到， 发生在我们身上的截然不同的育儿经历。 我们真的感到我们期望的 和我们实际体验的没有任何关系。 所以我们决定要给准备为人父母的人们更直接的认识。 我们真的希望用诚实的方式让他们懂得 为人父母的现实状况。

RG: So today, what we would love to do is share with you four parenting taboos. And of course, there are many more than four things you can't say about parenting, but we would like to share with you today four that are particularly relevant for us personally. So the first, taboo number one: you can't say you didn't fall in love with your baby in the very first minute. I remember vividly, sitting there in the hospital. We were in the process of giving birth to our first child.

RG：所以今天， 我们喜欢做的事情 就是跟你们分享做父母的四个禁忌。 当然， 做父母的禁忌远远 不止四个。 但我们今天跟你分享四个 和我们个人有关的四个禁忌。 第一个禁忌： 你不能说你没有在你孩子出生的第一 分钟就爱上了你的孩子。 我清楚地记得， 坐在医院那儿。 我们经历着我们第一个孩子分娩的过程。

AV: We, or I?

AV：我们， 还是我？

RG: I'm sorry. Misuse of the pronoun. Alisa was very generously in the process of giving birth to our first child -- (AV: Thank you.) -- and I was there with a catcher's mitt. And I was there with my arms open. The nurse was coming at me with this beautiful, beautiful child, and I remember, as she was approaching me, the voices of friends saying, "The moment they put the baby in your hands, you will feel a sense of love that will come over you that is [on] an order of magnitude more powerful than anything you've ever experienced in your entire life." So I was bracing myself for the moment. The baby was coming, and I was ready for this Mack truck of love to just knock me off my feet. And instead, when the baby was placed in my hands, it was an extraordinary moment. This picture is from literally a few seconds after the baby was placed in my hands and I brought him over. And you can see, our eyes were glistening. I was overwhelmed with love and affection for my wife, with deep, deep gratitude that we had what appeared to be a healthy child. And it was also, of course, surreal. I mean, I had to check the tags and make sure. I was incredulous, "Are you sure this is our child?" And this was all quite remarkable. But what I felt towards the child at that moment was deep affection, but nothing like what I feel for him now, five years later.

RG：对不起 我用错了代词。 阿里萨Alisa 非常慷慨地经历着我们第一个 孩子的分娩过程--( AV：谢谢。) 我在那里戴着接生手套， 张口双臂。 护士朝我走来 手里抱着一个非常漂亮的孩子。 我记得当她朝我走来时， 一个朋友的声音告诉我说： “当你抱着新生儿的那一刻， 你会感到爱环绕着你， 这种力量是你今生今世 从来没有经历过的。” 所以我张口双臂等待拥抱的这一刻。 孩子出生了， 而我也准备好了让这强大的爱 将我全全包围。 然而相反， 当护士将孩子送到我手里的时候， 那是特殊的一刻。 在孩子出生后几秒钟拍的这张照片里， 他们把孩子放到我的手里， 我把他抱过来。 你们可以看见， 我们的眼睛闪烁着光芒。 我的心中充满了对我的妻子的爱， 和深深的感谢， 感谢我们得到了一个健康的孩子。 这一切仿佛还不真切。 我是说， 我得查看孩子的标签来确定。 我怀疑说：“你确定这是我们的孩子吗？” 那是非常不寻常的一刻。 但是那一刻我对孩子的感情是深深的爱， 但是那种感受和五年后也就是我现在

And so we've done something here that is heretical. We have charted our love for our child over time. (Laughter) This, as you know, is an act of heresy. You're not allowed to chart love. The reason you're not allowed to chart love is because we think of love as a binary thing. You're either in love, or you're not in love. You love, or you don't love. And I think the reality is that love is a process, and I think the problem with thinking of love as something that's binary is that it causes us to be unduly concerned that love is fraudulent, or inadequate, or what have you. And I think I'm speaking obviously here to the father's experience. But I think a lot of men do go through this sense in the early months, maybe their first year, that their emotional response is inadequate in some fashion.

对他的感受不可相提并论， 我们做了件很邪乎的事情。 我们用图表 记录了我们对孩子的爱。 (笑声) 你知道， 这个行为挺邪乎的。 用图表来记录爱是不可思议的事情。 而大家不记录爱的原因 是因为我们认为爱是二进制的东西。 你要么爱，要么不爱。 你爱， 还是不爱。 而我认为其实爱是一个过程。 我觉得把爱看成是二进制 是有问题的， 它会促使我们 过分担心 爱是虚伪的，不充分的， 或者你到底爱了什么。 我想我现在是代表父亲的经验在说话。 但是我想很多男人都经历过这种感觉 在最初的几个月里， 或者第一年 他们的感情反应从某种形式上来看是不够的。

AV: Well, I'm glad Rufus is bringing this up, because you can notice where he dips in the first years where I think I was doing most of the work. But we like to joke, in the first few months of all of our children's lives, this is Uncle Rufus. (Laughter)

AV: 我很高兴鲁弗斯Rufus提到这一点， 因为你们可以看见他对孩子的爱在第一年是下降的 那会儿我觉得几乎所有的活都是我干的。 但是我们喜欢开玩笑， 在我们几个孩子最初的几个月里， 我们叫他：鲁弗斯Rufus叔叔。 (笑声)

RG: I'm a very affectionate uncle, very affectionate uncle.

RG：我是个很亲昵的叔叔， 非常深情。

AV: Yes, and I often joke with Rufus when he comes home that I'm not sure he would actually be able to find our child in a line-up amongst other babies. So I actually threw a pop quiz here onto Rufus.

AV：是的， 我常常和他开玩笑说 如果我把咱们的孩子和其他孩子排成一排 他是否能把他认出来。 所以我这里给鲁弗斯Rufus出一个突击测验。

RG: Uh oh.

RG：啊噢

AV: I don't want to embarrass him too much. But I am going to give him three seconds.

AV：我不想让他感到太尴尬， 但是我会问他三秒钟。

RG: That is not fair. This is a trick question. He's not up there, is he?

RG：这不公平， 这问题有鬼， 他不在里面，是吗？

AV: Our eight-week-old son is somewhere in here, and I want to see if Rufus can actually quickly identify him.

AV：我们八个礼拜的儿子在这里面。 我想看看鲁弗斯Rfufus 是不是能很快地找到他。

RG: The far left. AV: No!

RG：最左面那个 (AV：不是！)

(Laughter)

(笑声)

RG: Cruel.

RG：残忍啊！

AV: Nothing more to be said.

AV: 我没什么可说的了。

(Laughter)

(笑声)

I'll move on to taboo number two. You can't talk about how lonely having a baby can be. I enjoyed being pregnant. I loved it. I felt incredibly connected to the community around me. I felt like everyone was participating in my pregnancy, all around me, tracking it down till the actual due-date. I felt like I was a vessel of the future of humanity. That continued into the the hospital. It was really exhilarating. I was shower with gifts and flowers and visitors. It was a really wonderful experience, but when I got home, I suddenly felt very disconnected and suddenly shut in and shut out, and I was really surprised by those feelings. I did expect it to be difficult, have sleepless nights, constant feedings, but I did not expect the feelings of isolation and loneliness that I experienced, and I was really surprised that no one had talked to me, that I was going to be feeling this way. And I called my sister whom I'm very close to -- and had three children -- and I asked her, "Why didn't you tell me I was going to be feeling this way, that I was going to have these -- feeling incredibly isolated?" And she said -- I'll never forget -- "It's just not something you want to say to a mother that's having a baby for the first time."

我来说说第二个禁忌。 你不能说有个孩子可能会让你感到孤独。 我喜欢怀孕， 我热爱怀孕。 我感到和我周围的社区紧密相连。 我感到好像每个人都参与了我的怀孕过程， 直到生产的最后一天他们一直在为我算着日子。 我觉得我就是一个承载未来人类的容器。 这种感觉一直带到医院， 真是挺来劲的。 大家来看我，送礼物，鲜花。 那可真是非常美好的经验。 但是当我回到家后， 我突然感到非常隔绝 突然被关闭起来了。 我对这种感觉感到奇怪。 我也预料会比较困难， 会有不眠之夜，不断地哺乳， 但是我没想到我会 感到隔绝和孤独。 而我也很奇怪没有人告诉我， 我会有这样的感觉。 我打电话给我姐姐 她跟我很亲近， 已经有了三个孩子， 我问她：“你怎么不告诉我会 有这种感觉， 我会有这种非常隔绝的感觉？” 她的回答我永远不会忘记， 她说： “ 这不是你应该对一个第一次 当母亲的人要说的话。”

RG: And of course, we think it's precisely what you really should be saying to mothers who have kids for the first time. And that this, of course, one of the themes for us is that we think that candor and brutal honesty is critical to us collectively being great parents. And it's hard not to think that part of what leads to this sense of isolation is our modern world. So Alisa's experience is not isolated. So your 58 percent of mothers surveyed report feelings of loneliness. Of those, 67 percent are most lonely when their kids are zero to five -- probably really zero to two. In the process of preparing this, we looked at how some other cultures around the world deal with this period of time, because here in the Western world, less than 50 percent of us live near our family members, which I think is part of why this is such a tough period. So to take one example among many: in Southern India there's a practice known as jholabhari, in which the pregnant woman, when she's seven or eight months pregnant, moves in with her mother and goes through a series of rituals and ceremonies, give birth and returns home to her nuclear family several months after the child is born. And this is one of many ways that we think other cultures offset this kind of lonely period.

RG：当然，我们觉得 这正是你应该告诉第一次 做母亲的人的话。 而这个，我们的主题之一 就是我们认为 直率和残酷坦诚 对我们成为好家长 至关重要。 而且我们很难不把 导致这种隔绝的部分原因 与现代社会连系起来。 所以阿里萨Alisa的感受不是个别人的感受。 58%的母亲在调查中 报告感到孤独。 其中， 67%的人在孩子0到5岁 或很可能0到2岁的时候最孤独。 在准备这个讲话的过程中 我们了解了世界上其他文化是如何 应付这个阶段的， 因为在西方 几乎50%的人都不住在娘家附近， 我认为这就是为什么这个阶段很难过。 举例来说： 在南印度， 有个叫jholabihari的习俗， 当孕妇怀孕7，8个月后 就会搬到她母亲那里去 在母亲家经历了一系列的庆祝仪式， 在生完孩子几个月后才回到 自己的小家庭。 这是我们认为其他文化弥补 产妇在这一孤独阶段的手段。

AV: So taboo number three: you can't talk about your miscarriage -- but today I'll talk about mine. So after we had Declan, we kind of recalibrated our expectations. We thought we actually could go through this again and thought we knew what we would be up against. And we were grateful that I was able to get pregnant, and I soon learned that we were having a boy, and then when I was five months, we learned that we had lost our child. This is actually the last little image we have of him. And it was obviously a very difficult time -- really painful. As I was working through that mourning process, I was amazed that I didn't want to see anybody. I really wanted to crawl into a hole, and I didn't really know how I was going to work my way back into my surrounding community. And I realize, I think, the way I was feeling that way, is on a really deep gut level, I was feeling a lot of shame and embarrassed, frankly, that, in some respects, I had failed at delivering what I'm genetically engineered to do. And of course, it made me question, if I wasn't able to have another child, what would that mean for my marriage, and just me as a woman. So it was a very difficult time. As I started working through it more, I started climbing out of that hole and talking with other people. I was really amazed by all the stories that started flooding in. People I interacted with daily, worked with, was friends with, family members that I had known a long time, had never shared with me their own stories. And I just remember feeling all these stories came out of the woodwork, and I felt like I happened upon this secret society of women that I now was a part of, which was reassuring and also really concerning. And I think, miscarriage is an invisible loss. There's not really a lot of community support around it. There's really no ceremony, rituals, or rites. And I think, with a death, you have a funeral, you celebrate the life, and there's a lot of community support, and it's something women don't have with miscarriage.

AV：第三个禁忌是 你不能谈你流产的事情，但是今天我要来讲讲我的经历。 我们有了德克兰Declan以后， 我们重新调整了我们的期望。 我们的确想要第二个孩子， 我们认为我们已经知道我们面对的是什么了。 我们也很感激我又能怀上孩子。 很快我就得知我们会有一个男孩。 而我怀孕5个月的时候， 我发现我们的孩子没了。 这是我们有关他的最后一张照片。 显然那是非常困难的一段时间 非常痛苦。 在我哀痛的过程中， 我吃惊地发现我不想见任何人。 我只想爬到一个洞穴中去。 我不知道我怎样回到 自己周围的社群中去。 我认识到， 我的那种种感受 都带有很深的负罪感， 我感到非常羞辱 尴尬， 坦白说 从某种角度来说， 我觉得我没有 能够完成我天生造就我应该能做的事情。 当然，这使我也疑惑 如果我不能再生孩子， 那这对我们的婚姻意味着什么， 我怎样才算一个合格的女人。 所以那段时间很难。 当我开始着手应付它的时候， 我开始爬出洞穴与人交谈。 我真的很吃惊 那些故事像洪水般涌来。 那些每天跟我交往的人 一起工作的人， 朋友们 我认识了很久的亲戚们 从来没有跟我讲过她们的故事。 我只觉得这些故事好象是从地缝里冒出来似的。 我发现自己撞进 了这个秘密的妇女组织， 这让我刚到既放心又担心。 我想 流产是一个隐形的损失。 它没有得到很多社区的支持。 它没有典礼， 没有仪式。 我想， 如果人死， 那有葬礼， 颂扬一生， 会得到很多社区的支持。 但是妇女流产不会得到同样的待遇。

RG: Which is too bad because, of course, it's a very common and very traumatic experience. Fifteen to 20 percent of all pregnancies result in miscarriage, and I find this astounding. In a survey, 74 percent of women said that miscarriage, they felt, was partly their fault, which is awful. And astoundingly, 22 percent said they would hide a miscarriage from their spouse.

RG：当然， 这是很糟糕的， 其实这是很常见和伤害很大的经历。 流产的比率是百分之15 到20。 令我吃惊的是 调查表明， 百分之74的妇女说 她们感到流产是由于她们的过错，真太可怕了。 更令人吃惊的是， 百分之22 的人说， 她们对她们的丈夫隐瞒流产的事情。

So taboo number four: you can't say that your average happiness has declined since having a child. The party line is that every single aspect of my life has just gotten dramatically better ever since I participated in the miracle that is childbirth and family. I'll never forget, I remember vividly to this day, our first son, Declan, was nine months old, and I was sitting there on the couch, and I was reading Daniel Gilbert's wonderful book, "Stumbling on Happiness." And I got about two-thirds of the way through, and there was a chart on the right-hand side -- on the right-hand page -- that we've labeled here "The Most Terrifying Chart Imaginable for a New Parent." This chart is comprised of four completely independent studies. Basically, there's this precipitous drop of marital satisfaction, which is closely aligned, we all know, with broader happiness, that doesn't rise again until your first child goes to college. So I'm sitting here looking at the next two decades of my life, this chasm of happiness that we're driving our proverbial convertible straight into. We were despondent.

第四个禁忌是 你不能说你日常的快乐感 因为从有了孩子以后降低了。 统一的的说法是我的生活的各个方面 在我参与到孩子的出生 和家庭的扩大的奇迹中后 得到了巨大的改善。 我永远都不会忘记， 我今天还记忆犹新， 我们第一个孩子德克兰Declan九个月大的时候， 我在沙发上坐着， 我在读丹·吉尔伯特Daniel Gilbert精彩的书：《撞上快乐》。 我读完三分之二的时候， 右边的那页列了一张表。 在右边这页， 我们贴了标记： “最让刚刚为人父母害怕的 的图表。” 这张图表是四个完全独立的研究的成果组成的。 简单地说， 生孩子后婚姻满意度 会徒然下降， 这跟广泛意义上幸福感的升降基本一致 而这种幸福感一直到 你第一个孩子上大学后才会回升。 我坐在那里想到我未来20多年的人生 设想我们驾驶着敞篷车长驱直入 到这种幸福的深渊。 我们感到郁闷极了。

AV: So you can imagine, I mean again, the first few months were difficult, but we'd come out of it, and were really shocked to see this study. So we really wanted to take a deeper look at it in hopes that we would find a silver lining.

AV：你们可以想象，最初的几个月是比较困难的， 但是我们克服了， 当我们看到这个研究报告时，也的确很震惊。 我们真的很想深入了解它 希望我们可以找到一线曙光。

RG: And that's when it's great to be running a website for parents, because we got this incredible reporter to go and interview all the scientists who conducted these four studies. We said, something is wrong here. There's something missing from these studies. It can't possibly be that bad. So Liz Mitchell did a wonderful job with this piece, and she interviewed four scientists, and she also interviewed Daniel Gilbert, and we did indeed find a silver lining. So this is our guess as to what this baseline of average happiness arguably looks like throughout life. Average happiness is, of course, inadequate, because it doesn't speak to the moment-by-moment experience, and so this is what we think it looks like when you layer in moment-to-moment experience. And so we all remember as children, the tiniest little thing -- and we see it on the faces of our children -- the teeniest little thing can just rocket them to these heights of just utter adulation, and then the next teeniest little thing can cause them just to plummet to the depths of despair. And it's just extraordinary to watch, and we remember it ourselves. And then, of course, as you get older, it's almost like age is a form of lithium.

RG: 这是为父母们提供一个网页的好时机， 因为我们的优秀的记者们 采访了那些撰写了研究报告 的科学家们。 我们是觉得，这研究结果有点不对劲。 这些研究里缺乏了什么东西。 结果不可能这么糟糕。 所以我们的记者莉斯·米切尔liz Mitchell写了这篇精彩的文章。 她采访了四个科学家， 她也采访了丹·吉尔伯特Daniel Gilbert。 我们真的发现了一线曙光。 所以我们猜想 贯穿人一生的幸福的平均基线图 是什么样的。 平均的幸福， 当然是不够的， 它不能表达 不同时刻的经历。 所以我们觉得 当你叠加进不同时刻的经历后 幸福曲线图应该是这样的。 我们都记得我们的童年， 我们可以在孩子的脸上看到 那些芝麻绿豆的小事情 就可以让他们开心得不得了 那真是可爱至极， 接下来，另一件芝麻绿豆的小事 又可以让他们闷闷不乐，伤心至极。 观察这些时刻特别有趣，而我们自己也记得这些往事。 然后， 当你长大了， 年龄就像锂一样，

As you get older, you become more stable. And part of what happens, I think, in your '20s and '30s, is you start to learn to hedge your happiness. You start to realize that "Hey, I could go to this live music event and have an utterly transforming experience that will cover my entire body with goosebumps, but it's more likely that I'll feel claustrophobic and I won't be able to get a beer. So I'm not going to go. I've got a good stereo at home. So, I'm not going to go." So your average happiness goes up, but you lose those transcendent moments.

锂是越老越稳定。人是越老越稳重。 其中，在20，30岁之间， 你开始学着维系你的幸福。 你会意识到 “我可能去音乐会现场 会得到那种彻底享乐的感受 我浑身上下都很激动， 但是我更会感到幽闭恐怖 我都没法买瓶啤酒。 所以我不去了。 我家里有很好的立体音响器材， 所以， 我还是不去了。” 所以你的平均的幸福感提升了， 但是你失去了那些超级享乐的时刻。

AV: Yeah, and then you have your first child, and then you really resubmit yourself to these highs and lows -- the highs being the first steps, the first smile, your child reading to you for the first time -- the lows being, our house, any time from six to seven every night. But you realize you resubmit yourself to losing control in a really wonderful way, which we think provides a lot of meaning to our lives and is quite gratifying.

AV:是的， 然后你有了你的第一个孩子。 然后你真的把自己跟这些 幸福最高点和幸福最低点间的生活联系在一起-- 幸福值高的地方是孩子的第一步，第一个笑脸， 你的孩子第一次为你读书； 幸福值低的时刻是我们家每天晚上6点到7点。 但是你认识到你是身不由己地投入到 一种美好的生活方式中去， 我们觉得它对我们的人生有很大的意义 我们为此很感激。

RG: And so in effect, we trade average happiness. We trade the sort of security and safety of a certain level of contentment for these transcendent moments. So where does that leave the two of us as a family with our three little boys in the thick of all this? There's another factor in our case. We have violated yet another taboo in our own lives, and this is a bonus taboo.

RG:所以结果是 我们用我们的平均幸福作了交换。 我们用那些安全保险 为我们带来的一定程度上的满意 去交换那些特殊时光。 而这一切将给我们两个 和我们的三个男孩 产生什么影响呢？ 对我们家而言还有另一个因素。 在我们的生活里，我们又违犯了另一个禁忌 。 这是一个额外的禁忌。

AV: A quick bonus taboo for you, that we should not be working together, especially with three children -- and we are.

AV：这是一个额外的禁忌经验， 我们不应该在一起工作 特别是和我们三个孩子在一起 但是我们还是在一起工作了。

RG: And we had reservations about this on the front end. Everybody knows, you should absolutely not work with your spouse. In fact, when we first went out to raise money to start Babble, the venture capitalists said, "We categorically don't invest in companies founded by husbands and wives, because there's an extra point of failure. It's a bad idea. Don't do it." And we obviously went forward. We did. We raised the money, and we're thrilled that we did, because in this phase of one's life, the incredibly scarce resource is time. And if you're really passionate about what you do every day -- which we are -- and you're also passionate about your relationship, this is the only way we know how to do it. And so the final question that we would ask is: can we collectively bend that happiness chart upwards? It's great that we have these transcendent moments of joy, but they're sometimes pretty quick. And so how about that average baseline of happiness? Can we move that up a little bit?

RG：我们一开始对这条禁忌有保留意见。 每个人都知道，你不要跟你爱人一起工作。 事实上一开始我们为Babble募集资金时， 那个风险投资人说， “我们绝不投资 由夫妻一起创建的公司， 因为这另加了一个失败的因素。 这是坏主意， 不要这么做。” 而显然我们还是这么做了。 我们募集到了资金， 我们特别高兴， 因为在人生的这个阶段中， 最宝贵的财富是时间。 而如果你真的对你所从事的事情充满热情， 如我们一样， 而你也很在乎你们的关系， 那么，夫妻搭档在一起工作，这就是我们知道的唯一的办法。 所以我们最后的一个问题是： 我们能不能将幸福曲线的图表往上调整？ 我们生活中有这些特殊的幸福时刻当然很好， 但是有的时候它们来得快去得快。 我们能不能将幸福的平均基线 提高一些呢？

AV: And we kind of feel that the happiness gap, which we talked about, is really the result of walking into parenting -- and really any long-term partnership for that matter -- with the wrong expectations. And if you have the right expectations and expectation management, we feel like it's going to be a pretty gratifying experience.

AV：我们感到我们原来所谓的幸福 是针对步入家长的这一过程中 和建立任何长期的关系中 带有错误的期望而言的。 如果你建立了正确的期望和管理期望的手段， 我们发现结果是可喜的。

RG: And so this is what -- And we think that a lot of parents, when you get in there -- in our case anyway -- you pack your bags for a trip to Europe, and you're really excited to go. Get out of the airplane, it turns out you're trekking in Nepal. And trekking in Nepal is an extraordinary experience, particularly if you pack your bags properly and you know what you're getting in for and you're psyched. So the point of all this for us today is not just hopefully honesty for the sake of honesty, but a hope that by being more honest and candid about these experiences, that we can all collectively bend that happiness baseline up a little bit.

RG：这就是 我们认为很多家长， 你们来到这里， 和我们一样， 你打好了包裹去欧洲旅行，你特别兴奋地想去。 上了飞机， 结果你是在尼泊尔徒步旅行。 徒步在尼泊尔旅行本身是一个非常特殊的经验， 特别是如果你合理地准备了行装， 你知道你来干什么的， 你会非常激动。 所以今天我们讲这些的关键不是 希望大家为诚实而诚实， 而是希望通过诚实坦白地讲述这些经历， 我们才可以携手努力 将我们的幸福基线抬高一点。

RG + AV: Thank you.

RG+AV：谢谢。

(Applause)

(掌声)

 

 

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