2010年雅思大作文点评:国际旅游利大于弊
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TASK2
Some people think the advantages of international tourism outweigh its disadvantages. To what extent do you agree?
Recently, it is reported that tourism covers a growing proportion of gross global production, from which we can conclude that there is an increasing tendency for people to experience the joys of travel. In the circumstances, some people suppose that the benefits from international tourism are more important than its negative effects. But, I hold the opposite opinion with three reasons given in the following text（这句改成as follows是不是好一点）. （66words）
结构分析：这段的写法比较典型，还是受到了培训的影响，最后1句不是直接提出自己的观点，而是引出下文。我想指出的是，这种写法当然是可以的，但是如果把此段下文的3个分论点总结一下，在第1段直接表达出来，效果会不会更好呢？！大家可以尝试一下。此外，第1段稍微有点长，实战中写那么多会不会影响速度呢？！
语言方面：不错！！！从正确性来说已经很不错了，而且句子还使用了一些从句。我的第1印象是7分起评！
Admittedly, international tourism can bring money and job opportunities to many countries, especially some developing countries, such as Thailand, Philippines, where tourism plays a vital role in domestic economy. However, tourism, with irretrievable damages to the ecosystem, gives rise to serious contamination. In most travel resorts(好像holiday resort比较常见吧，或者你是想说tourist attraction, scenic spots等等？？？), some tourists always abandon rubbish（这个动宾搭配的怎么感觉那么怪！！！） anywhere instead of into the ash-bins. Furthermore, some carve their names on the trees or stones, only for marking（这个很明显是Chinese English了，应该是to mark不定式作目的状语吧） the spots where they used been（？？？这个错误有点低级吧！！！）. Unfortunately, it is not only purely ecosystems which are destroyed（又是chinese english!!!你是不是想说Not only has the ecosystem been damaged, but some ancient monuments are under attack）, but also some ancient monuments. With the awareness of environmental pollution, now, the concept of “sustainable tourism” has been focused on, which gave(为什么要用过去时？！) birth to “eco-tourism”. Whereas,（它是连词，不可以这样用的，用法相当于while，自己查，这个我就不浪费笔墨了！！！） so-called “eco-tourism”, I am afraid, can not help at all. People are so attracted by this new tourism style. Ironically, some countryside where used to be peaceful（很明显，首先定于从句没学好！应该是which/that used be，因为这里需要个充当主语的关系代词！）, with their capacities challenged, now are（应该倒一下吧！！！再读读看，是不是） ruined by ever（even吧） more visitors. (152words)
点评：这段不用我评了吧，一目了然！！！但是有一点要补充一下:作者的语言水平给我的第一感觉是很不错，应该完全是7分的水平，因为她完全具有写长句的能力，但是，没想到，我仔细一看，有些地方是中式英语，有些地方么也有语法错误，但是比较一般错误的句子，这些句子不仔细看的话，感觉到很好！！！这个作者的文章挺有意思的，大家可以仔细分析一下！
此外，这段也写得太长了吧，看看下面几段，明显虎头蛇尾！要注意内容的分配，不要差太多了！！！
In addition, often a large amount of money are（都知道money是不可数，你还用are，你是想气死考官，还是想气死我啊！！！） needed to attract tourists. Instead of the（这里不可数名词表泛指，所以the就不需要了） agriculture or industry, useless recreation facilities may be built up. Then, tremendous capital may be wasted rather than providing（明显没有符合平行结构！应该是may be wasted rather than provided） for basic needs. (38words)
点评：明显词数偏少，论证不充分，内容上有缺陷！
More seriously, tourism is not an independent industry(请大家注意，这里industry是行业的意思，作者用的很好，大家千万不要搞错了，和上面的industry不一样的意思！). It is affected by many variable factors, such as tourist tastes, weather, or natural disasters. For instance, tsunami from the Indian Ocean in 2004 swept Maldives relentlessly, which made the tourism market there almost collapse. (43words)
点评：此段还可以，没有明显错误，内容上还过得去，再充实点就好了。
In conclusion, I am convinced that it is wrong to outweigh（自己看看这里outweigh用的对不对，是谁outweigh the advantages啊？！） the advantages of international tourism. In spite of its contribution to the global economy, the sharply developing tourism is not worth for people being too optimistic（这个句型都错啊！！！该打！中学就教过了，这里用worthwhile，后面应该是to be optimistic！！！） to some extent. (40words)（339words）
总评：看完了全文，我的感觉是该作者应该是读过大学英语的，因为从语言的老练性来说还可以，我能感觉到。但是，可以看得出，作者平时阅读有一定的量，但肯定不怎么写文章，所以有的地方写得很好，有的错误却很低级！！！
从这篇文章，我要再次声明：英语水平再高的同学，如果不练习写作，照样得低分！！！此文，6分。
本文标题：2010年雅思大作文点评:国际旅游利大于弊 - 雅思作文_雅思写作_雅思范文Some people think the advantages of international tourism outweigh its disadvantages. To what extent do you agree?
Recently, it is reported that tourism covers a growing proportion of gross global production, from which we can conclude that there is an increasing tendency for people to experience the joys of travel. In the circumstances, some people suppose that the benefits from international tourism are more important than its negative effects. But, I hold the opposite opinion with three reasons given in the following text（这句改成as follows是不是好一点）. （66words）
结构分析：这段的写法比较典型，还是受到了培训的影响，最后1句不是直接提出自己的观点，而是引出下文。我想指出的是，这种写法当然是可以的，但是如果把此段下文的3个分论点总结一下，在第1段直接表达出来，效果会不会更好呢？！大家可以尝试一下。此外，第1段稍微有点长，实战中写那么多会不会影响速度呢？！
语言方面：不错！！！从正确性来说已经很不错了，而且句子还使用了一些从句。我的第1印象是7分起评！
Admittedly, international tourism can bring money and job opportunities to many countries, especially some developing countries, such as Thailand, Philippines, where tourism plays a vital role in domestic economy. However, tourism, with irretrievable damages to the ecosystem, gives rise to serious contamination. In most travel resorts(好像holiday resort比较常见吧，或者你是想说tourist attraction, scenic spots等等？？？), some tourists always abandon rubbish（这个动宾搭配的怎么感觉那么怪！！！） anywhere instead of into the ash-bins. Furthermore, some carve their names on the trees or stones, only for marking（这个很明显是Chinese English了，应该是to mark不定式作目的状语吧） the spots where they used been（？？？这个错误有点低级吧！！！）. Unfortunately, it is not only purely ecosystems which are destroyed（又是chinese english!!!你是不是想说Not only has the ecosystem been damaged, but some ancient monuments are under attack）, but also some ancient monuments. With the awareness of environmental pollution, now, the concept of “sustainable tourism” has been focused on, which gave(为什么要用过去时？！) birth to “eco-tourism”. Whereas,（它是连词，不可以这样用的，用法相当于while，自己查，这个我就不浪费笔墨了！！！） so-called “eco-tourism”, I am afraid, can not help at all. People are so attracted by this new tourism style. Ironically, some countryside where used to be peaceful（很明显，首先定于从句没学好！应该是which/that used be，因为这里需要个充当主语的关系代词！）, with their capacities challenged, now are（应该倒一下吧！！！再读读看，是不是） ruined by ever（even吧） more visitors. (152words)
点评：这段不用我评了吧，一目了然！！！但是有一点要补充一下:作者的语言水平给我的第一感觉是很不错，应该完全是7分的水平，因为她完全具有写长句的能力，但是，没想到，我仔细一看，有些地方是中式英语，有些地方么也有语法错误，但是比较一般错误的句子，这些句子不仔细看的话，感觉到很好！！！这个作者的文章挺有意思的，大家可以仔细分析一下！
此外，这段也写得太长了吧，看看下面几段，明显虎头蛇尾！要注意内容的分配，不要差太多了！！！
In addition, often a large amount of money are（都知道money是不可数，你还用are，你是想气死考官，还是想气死我啊！！！） needed to attract tourists. Instead of the（这里不可数名词表泛指，所以the就不需要了） agriculture or industry, useless recreation facilities may be built up. Then, tremendous capital may be wasted rather than providing（明显没有符合平行结构！应该是may be wasted rather than provided） for basic needs. (38words)
点评：明显词数偏少，论证不充分，内容上有缺陷！
More seriously, tourism is not an independent industry(请大家注意，这里industry是行业的意思，作者用的很好，大家千万不要搞错了，和上面的industry不一样的意思！). It is affected by many variable factors, such as tourist tastes, weather, or natural disasters. For instance, tsunami from the Indian Ocean in 2004 swept Maldives relentlessly, which made the tourism market there almost collapse. (43words)
点评：此段还可以，没有明显错误，内容上还过得去，再充实点就好了。
In conclusion, I am convinced that it is wrong to outweigh（自己看看这里outweigh用的对不对，是谁outweigh the advantages啊？！） the advantages of international tourism. In spite of its contribution to the global economy, the sharply developing tourism is not worth for people being too optimistic（这个句型都错啊！！！该打！中学就教过了，这里用worthwhile，后面应该是to be optimistic！！！） to some extent. (40words)（339words）
总评：看完了全文，我的感觉是该作者应该是读过大学英语的，因为从语言的老练性来说还可以，我能感觉到。但是，可以看得出，作者平时阅读有一定的量，但肯定不怎么写文章，所以有的地方写得很好，有的错误却很低级！！！
从这篇文章，我要再次声明：英语水平再高的同学，如果不练习写作，照样得低分！！！此文，6分。
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