为什么你的雅思写作到不了7分？

很多雅思写作老师都说雅思很容易!因为雅思就语言而言，是很容易的，单词可以用最简单的，句子也可以不需要用多少从句，这个和其他国际考试如SAT的要求相差很远;很多题目都是BBC上经常讨论的话题，不象GRE的作文那么抽象;逻辑也就是简单的因果关系，不象GMAT考试那么强调逻辑的推敲和分析。然而，很多学生在找我做雅思写作辅导之前的分数是5分到5.5分，他们一直觉得雅思写作突破要远难于其他三项。

事实上，他们的低分是我总结为以下几点：

1练习太少，没有正规、足量写过雅思作文

2没有找专业老师诊断过文章，不知道自己文章里面不符合写作评分的问题

3阅读量较少，遇到题目没有观点思路，或平时语言练习不足，即使有观点思路，但不能很好表述自己的想法

4语法没有正规补齐，写不出长句或一写长句就四不像，句子构架或许对但句中逻辑混乱

5没有积累过足够的、不同写作话题项的专门词汇，一写文章单词使用就捉襟见肘

6最害人的是：投机心态下用国内考试的准备策略，企图通过模板和套句蒙混过关

一般我在上课的时候，遇到文章有以上几点问题的同学，很快速的就能判断他平时的练习状态、写作的瓶颈和大体几次考试的分数区间!

给大家看最近写作精讲课上我当堂矫正的两个5.5左右的文章，他们两的问题有相似的也有自己个性化的，你自己判断你写文章有没有这样的问题或上面我提到的失分点

题目

Some think that computer games are dangerous for children in every way; others think that computer games help children's development. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

(黑色是学生写的，红色是当时我的简要评语和提问;我讲评文章最关注的是按照评分项改逻辑和任务回应)

Case A

Nowadays, as the computer becomes increasingly common in every family, computer games are prevailing，accordingly all over the world, especially among children.

开头段的重要功能之一是对文章题目的paraphrase，这里明显缺失

In my opinion, although computer games have some harmful influences on children, the beneficial effects they bring go far beyond its detrimental influences.

Computer games can teach the young some experiences that cannot be learned from classes in schools.

For example, World of War craft is the world’s most famous online game which attracted an immense number of

children in various age levels by taking them to an virtual world and exhibiting the beauty of this world.

与上面的观点和下面观点的进一步论证都没有任何必要逻辑关系，属于凑字数的多余论证

By playing this computer game, children can learn the importance of cooperation and the necessary of every team member in their groups in their daily life.Thus this will help them to get along with their colleagues and reach success more easily in the future when they get jobs.

把这个结论和最开始的观点结合在一起就发现结论并没有对观点有论证和阐述!而按照雅思评分的要求，每个观点和立场都需要适当的拓展和论述是观点逻辑完整!

换而言之，观点加结论，甚至只有结论的观点是不能在雅思中拿到分数的，这样的写作多见于中国的英语考试(如四六级)的试卷

However, playing computer games without any control can also be harmful to children. To be more specific, if children spend too much time on playing computer games can damage the eyesight of children which means they will have no choice but to wear a pair thick glasses to hide their myopic eyes.

Furthermore, playing too many computers will ruin children’s excellent studying habit and lead to not to study as hard as they can which will impede them from embracing an illuminating future.

与上面的问题一样，观点只是观点或结论，没有相应清晰的拓展和论述说明

另外第一个反方观点的论述口语化现象严重

In a word, I think children will be benefited from the computer games if they can play them under control.

结尾单薄，潦草

Case B

With the rapid explosion of the computer and the internet these year globally, as one of the attractive and popular functions of PC, computer games gain increasing popularity and many children can not resist the temptation of it, which makes parents upset. Consequently the heated discussion is raised to argue whether the video games have positive or negative influence on children.

你的立场呢?作为第一段的功能，阐述清楚自己的立场(position)来表示出文章打算写两边讨论还是一边支持很重要!

First of all, we must know that saying the game is bad in every aspect definitely makes no sense. Video games nowadays require a high intense of brain activities and a very powerful teamwork.

这里描述得是现象或者叫论证条件，那么对于青少年的好处是什么呢?没有写完整观点的结论从而能使观点与题目切合

Besides, lets take the Korea as an example that the new career called Gaming has been pushing the Korean GDP by 2-3%. It provides thousands of jobs to the public as professional gamers, gaming clubs, game journalists and commenters. The championship of gaming provides a bonus up to a million dollars to the attending clubs. As the result, Korea becomes the biggest gaming country in the world.

此段和题目没有一毛钱关系!本文不是论证电脑游戏的好处，而是电脑游戏能给青少年的成长带来什么好的影响!任务回应不成立!

However, games harming children is unarguably the truth to certain extent. As a product that just rise, it still has a long road forward, such as the teenagers limits.

略显空洞的句子，并看不出论证的实际功能和含义!青少年限制是什么意思?而且和下面的段落缺少衔接过渡，外部逻辑会失分

It is not a news that lots of students drop their study for games, becoming a professional gamer to win a million dollars sounds like a good plan for future, but just like the athletes or artists, only a very few amounts of player could finally succeed.

为什么辍学或放弃学业?直接坏处是什么?你的观点推导的结论是什么?写雅思作文请不要绕弯子，直接写清楚!另外文章是讨论电脑游戏对青少年的害处，你写的是成功率低于是就有害了吗?

正如我课上讲解的，任务回应和逻辑评分要求紧扣文章题目的问题写!

Further more, although a proper exercise can enhance the eye sight, when you get addicted to the game, there is no good for both your physical and mental health.

这里不形成让步，用although这样的链接词不太合适!另外，上瘾后就会造成身理、心理伤害是为什么?该观点只是结论，没有任何适当的拓展和论述，不成立!

Overall, we should work out a moderate and neutral plan for the gaming occupation in order to direct more teenagers to a right and brighter way.

文章的任务回应和逻辑有明显欠缺!

句子的语法偏误有不少，单词使用倒是可以接受，但固定搭配的词伙和教育类专项常见词使用较少!

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