雅思写作大作文批改示例：政府类话题作文

为大家带来雅思写作真题学生作文批改。本期雅思写作题目是政府类话题，题目是：In some cities, the governments have tried to reduce traffic. For instance, they imposed a congestion tax during rush hours. Do you think this development is positive or negative?下面请看雅思写作思路指导及写作批改。

适合人群：作文万年5.5语法较好但找不出问题所在的雅思考生，作文6想在逻辑方面有所进步冲击7分的雅思考生。

雅思写作题目要点：事件1：政府已经努力在减少交通拥堵，事件2：政府采取了收高峰税的办法来减少交通拥堵

雅思写作题目争议点：“减少交通拥堵”肯定是positive，有什么值得争议的?完全没有!“通过收高峰税去减少交通拥堵”真的完全positive或者negative嘛?不一定!收税不一定能减少交通拥堵!这就是争议!需要你去讨论、表明自己态度并给出论据!

雅思写作常见错误

首段【1】作文一起笔就开始说中国的情况：雅思以全球各地广泛存在的热点话题作为作文题目，但不少人还是把它当成四六级!

【2】改写题目不准确：这道题采用的是完成时态，即“这件事已经做了，你来评价有效没有”，而不是“有人建议应该做这件事，你来预测下有效没有”。所以恰当的改写是“Therefore，the government has chosen to levy congestion taxation on those who drive during peak time.”

【3】不亮明自己的观点，只改写下题目就不管了：一定要在首段亮明观点，树立好标杆，让考官直截了当get到你的核心看法!就算还没有确定是支持还是否定，最能给考官留下好印象的办法是写“The pros and cons of this policy will be briefly spelled out below”。

佳琪：There is no denying that traffic problem has become a serious issue in China【1】, especially in recent years. During rush hours, traffic jam can be easily found in many roads. So some people suggestedthat【2】 government should impose a congestion tax during rush hours.

主体段

【4】在主体段仍然大篇幅介绍话题背景，迟迟不亮明自己的观点并展开论述。

【5】跑题，没有抓住真正有争议的地方：收税能不能减少交通堵塞还不知道呢，就开始说收税使交通堵塞减少之后的好处：减少废气和噪声污染，对人们健康好/给人们节省时间，他们可以更好地工作学习/减少车祸，让人们更安全…请问这是默认了收税就可以减少交通堵塞吗?凭什么?!

佳琪(主1)：With the development of economic, people are increasingly migrating to big cities, the city where people live is getting larger and they may spend more time on commute. So more and more people bought cars to go to work, the continuous increase in the average of the car seems to have become a worldwide problem【4】. In rush hours， imposing a congestion tax can reduce traffic jam, because more people would get up early to take bus and subway. To some extent, this policy can make city moreenvironmentally friendly. Moreover ,with the congestion tax being imposed, drivers will pay more attention to traffic information, they will try their best to prevent traffic jam and drive away from the city’s main roads. When the city traffic jam gets less, workers can spend less time on the road, and can do a lot of useful things in the works on companion with their family【5】.

Teamo(主1): The administration’s imposing a traffic jam tax can bring some benefits to us. For government it can add revenue, than they can use the revenue to build public infrastructure. For citizens, it can make us healthy or safe. By imposing tax ,the use of car will reduce ,then the air pollution would get improved . It will cut down the harmful to our lungs. At the same time, it can slow down the rate of traffic accident【5】.

【6】通篇在支持“政府的确减少交通拥堵”，对Tax能不能减少拥堵视而不见：题目问this development是积极还是消极的，很多宝宝的问题就在于不知道this development到底是哪个development(是事件1“reduce traffic”还是事件2“impose tax”)。那么你反过来想想，减少交通拥堵难道是一件坏事?

Sherry(主1): Too many cars have an adverse impact on the environment. The emission of greenhouse gases have risen temperatures and caused smoggy days .Therefore, it is more easy for people to suffer from air pollution and get diseases .The noise pollution is also a disturbing factor .I think most of us may have experienced that we were awakened by it in the morning.【6】

【7】不理解让步段使用对比手法的精髓，对比搞错主体，罗列观点自说自话

a.事情没有绝对的不好，只有在哪种情况下/对哪一类人群的、相对的坏，所以要削弱A的有效性，讲“B有而A没有的”，如“只是收税，而不改善公共交通的效率，就无法吸引大家去乘公交，所以他们依然会愿意驾车，拥堵还是解决不了”，而不能像列清单一样地说政府应该做B因为B好。

b.前面你支持的是“政府收税在xx的情况下的确可以减少拥堵”，那么提出其他措施时就应该说“还有其他方面政府应该做，这些方面比收税更能减少拥堵”，而很多宝宝却写成：个人也应该做的能减少交通堵塞的事/能减少环境污染的其他措施。拿驴头对马嘴，大错特错!

Teamo(主2): Meanwhile ，I think governments also can take some other measures to reduce car use . Firstly ，they can building up public transports to reduce the use of private cars. Secondly, limiting the license plate number is another way to reduce traffic. Thirdly,the government could raise environmental awareness amongst the general public , appealing citizens to reduce the use of car【7a】.

玥儿(主2)：There are also other ways, which are more beneficial to our environment 【7b】as well as solving the growing traffic. Firstly, traffic law plays an important role to regulate cars. For example, car lottery makes a huge difference on traffic condition, especially in the big cities like Beijing or Shanghai. Only a few lucky people have rights to buy a car and at least one day a week they are not allowed to drive on the street. What’s more, individuals should increase their traffic awareness, instead of shrinking their society responsibilities. People can also turn to some space-saving transportation like bicycles. This can relieve thetraffic congestion【7b】.

【8】过度论述，变成说明文：让步段提出更有效的解决方法后，变身名词解释，用了足足39个词给考官科普潮汐车道(tide line)是什么。对“是什么”的解释虽然不可缺少，但论据的重点还是要去说明“为什么”，即为什么tide line比收税有效，比如“Due to its flexibility to divert traffic,this method has been recognized and applied in many metropolitans.”

芥末柠檬(主2)：However, there are more important things behind imposing tax on people. Governments could make the transportations more reasonable. For instance, the governments could settidal lane ,which means if there is eight lines in a lane. In the morning, when people are going to work, it can use six lines towards to the central business district. And in the evening it turns to two lines. Many metropolitans are taking this method to release their transportation congestion.

结尾段【9】只有空洞的口号、呼吁：大作文看重的是严谨的论述+切实的论据，不是简单地只说“政府/大众真的需要做点事!”，而是要具体总结出“做什么事+为什么”。

Teamo：Not only the state has the responsibility to reduce traffic ,but also our citizens .For more high quality of living , try our best to do something .Make the development of the society more sustainable.

雅思写作正确思路

完全支持：收税的确可以减少拥堵

1. 考虑到高昂的费用，更多人会选择公共交通而不是开私家车，道路上的车辆就可以减少。

2. 高峰税可被政府用来投资改善公共交通，从而吸引更多人，减少私家车出行数量，由此减少拥堵。

部分支持：收税能减少拥堵，但还有其他方面值得政府关注

1. 政府单纯征税，却不注重公共交通质量与效率的提升，人们还是更愿意驾驶私家车，拥堵依然解决不了。

2. 采用限号出行、设置潮汐车道等方式也可以减少拥堵，而且比收高峰税灵活

以上就是本期的雅思写作政府类话题作文批改示例。各位考鸭有错则该，无则加勉。提高雅思写作的关键还在于多练习多思考，各位考鸭加油。

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