English Humor Part 1
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1. She Didn't Say Anything
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”.
“How do you know?” asked her father.
“She didn't say anything.”
2. I Have Turned It Over
A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It's too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?”
The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don't think it's necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”
His wife was very angry at this. “How lazy you are!” She shouted, “To tell you the truth, I turned it over last week.”
3. The Art of Cry
When Mrs Johnson entered Belli's room, she found that he was binding up his thumb.
“What's the matter with you?” she asked.
“It is because of that hammer.” Belli answered.
“But I didn't hear you cry.” “Oh, I thought you were not in just now.”
4. We Need Two of Those
“Do you need any typists?” asked a young man seeking a job.
“No,” said the personnel director checking the list. “We have got plenty of typists.”
“How about file clerks?” asked the man.
“Sorry, we have many file clerks, too.”
Disgusted, the applicant started to leave, muttering. “Well, I'll be an S.O.B.…”
The personnel man jumped up and cried, “what! We need two of those.”
5. It's Not That
“May I borrow your record player tonight?” a man asked his neighbor.
“Sure. Do you want to listen to some music?”
“No,” he answered. “Tonight I want to have some peace and quiet.”
6. It Is Out Too
One cold day, a friend of the Browns' went to visit them. The maid stopped him at the door. The friend asked, “Is Mr. Brown at home?” “No, he has gone out.” Replied the maid. “Is Mrs. Brown at home, then?” “No, she gone out.” “May I come in and sit by the stove?” “No, it has gone out, too.”
7. Is There a Crib in Your Stomach?
When my sister-in-law Leah was expecting her second child, her son Brian would sometimes touch his mother's tummy to feel the baby move. One day, while touching her stomach and not feeling anything, he asked, “How come the baby isn't moving?”
“The baby is sleeping,” replied his mother.
Brian thought for a moment and then said, “You mean you got a crib in there too?”
8. Mother Mouse
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat
crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified
that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the
value of a second language?"
9. I Want to Tell
When I was 12, my best friend and I broke a window playing baseball. We looked around to see if anyone had seen us. No one was in sight except my younger brother. We went over and offered him a piece of candy not to tell. He refused it.
“I'll give you my baseball,” I said.
“No!”
“Well, what do you want?”
“I want to tell.”
10. A Clever Professor
Once a professor at Glasgow University put up a notice, which read: “Professor Black will meet his class tomorrow.” This means that he was going to give his students a lecture the next day.
One naughty boy of the class saw the notice and wiped away the first letter of the word “class” in the notice. Then the sentence became “Professor Black will meet his lass tomorrow”, which means the professor would meet his girl friend. Seeing this, the professor didn't take it seriously. He, then, simply left out another letter of the word. Finally, the word “class” was turned into “ass”, which means, as we all know, “a stupid donkey”. Overall, the student hadn't surpassed the teacher.
11. Tom and His Mother
“Mother,” said little Tom, “did you tell father I wanted a new bicycle?”
“Yes, dear,” said his mother. “I told him, but he said he couldn't afford to buy you one.”
“Of course he would say that. But what did you do?”
I told him how badly you wanted it and argued in favor of it, but he refused.
“Argued? Ah, mother, if it had been something you wanted you would have cried a little and then you'd have got it!”
本文标题：English Humor Part 1 - 英语笑话_英文笑话_英语幽默小故事A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”.
“How do you know?” asked her father.
“She didn't say anything.”
2. I Have Turned It Over
A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It's too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?”
The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don't think it's necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”
His wife was very angry at this. “How lazy you are!” She shouted, “To tell you the truth, I turned it over last week.”
3. The Art of Cry
When Mrs Johnson entered Belli's room, she found that he was binding up his thumb.
“What's the matter with you?” she asked.
“It is because of that hammer.” Belli answered.
“But I didn't hear you cry.” “Oh, I thought you were not in just now.”
4. We Need Two of Those
“Do you need any typists?” asked a young man seeking a job.
“No,” said the personnel director checking the list. “We have got plenty of typists.”
“How about file clerks?” asked the man.
“Sorry, we have many file clerks, too.”
Disgusted, the applicant started to leave, muttering. “Well, I'll be an S.O.B.…”
The personnel man jumped up and cried, “what! We need two of those.”
5. It's Not That
“May I borrow your record player tonight?” a man asked his neighbor.
“Sure. Do you want to listen to some music?”
“No,” he answered. “Tonight I want to have some peace and quiet.”
6. It Is Out Too
One cold day, a friend of the Browns' went to visit them. The maid stopped him at the door. The friend asked, “Is Mr. Brown at home?” “No, he has gone out.” Replied the maid. “Is Mrs. Brown at home, then?” “No, she gone out.” “May I come in and sit by the stove?” “No, it has gone out, too.”
7. Is There a Crib in Your Stomach?
When my sister-in-law Leah was expecting her second child, her son Brian would sometimes touch his mother's tummy to feel the baby move. One day, while touching her stomach and not feeling anything, he asked, “How come the baby isn't moving?”
“The baby is sleeping,” replied his mother.
Brian thought for a moment and then said, “You mean you got a crib in there too?”
8. Mother Mouse
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat
crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified
that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the
value of a second language?"
9. I Want to Tell
When I was 12, my best friend and I broke a window playing baseball. We looked around to see if anyone had seen us. No one was in sight except my younger brother. We went over and offered him a piece of candy not to tell. He refused it.
“I'll give you my baseball,” I said.
“No!”
“Well, what do you want?”
“I want to tell.”
10. A Clever Professor
Once a professor at Glasgow University put up a notice, which read: “Professor Black will meet his class tomorrow.” This means that he was going to give his students a lecture the next day.
One naughty boy of the class saw the notice and wiped away the first letter of the word “class” in the notice. Then the sentence became “Professor Black will meet his lass tomorrow”, which means the professor would meet his girl friend. Seeing this, the professor didn't take it seriously. He, then, simply left out another letter of the word. Finally, the word “class” was turned into “ass”, which means, as we all know, “a stupid donkey”. Overall, the student hadn't surpassed the teacher.
11. Tom and His Mother
“Mother,” said little Tom, “did you tell father I wanted a new bicycle?”
“Yes, dear,” said his mother. “I told him, but he said he couldn't afford to buy you one.”
“Of course he would say that. But what did you do?”
I told him how badly you wanted it and argued in favor of it, but he refused.
“Argued? Ah, mother, if it had been something you wanted you would have cried a little and then you'd have got it!”
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