奥巴马在2012白宫年会晚宴演讲，犀利又搞笑的吐槽-奥巴马英语演讲及中英双语文本
当地时间4月28日，美国总统奥巴马出席白宫记者年会。晚宴期间，奥巴马大秀幽默功力，不仅拿特工招妓丑闻、麦克风门等事件开涮，还恶搞罗姆尼、希拉里等人，搞活宴会现场气氛。 大选年，奥巴马为了博得选举天然不肯放过任何一个推销自己的机会。在此次的白宫记者协会接待晚宴的演说中，奥巴马锋利吐槽、大度自嘲，暗讽对手，用诙谐幽默也给自己加分不少。
Host：Could someone back there please turnoff the Presidents mic? I think the Presidents mic is hot, please turn it off. Thank you. Thank you.
后台哪位帮忙把总统的麦克风关一下？我觉得总统的麦克风没有关，请帮忙关一下，谢谢，谢谢。
（首尔核峰会上奥巴马与梅德韦杰夫的私聊因为没关麦克风被暴光，之前的G20戛纳峰会中一样因为没关麦克风而暴光了他与萨科齐的私聊，两次事宜都在国内掀起轩然大波。）Obama：Great. I gotta get warmed up. I...Imso in love...God! I totally had that. Seriously guys, what am Idoing here?
太棒了，我来个热身。我……我太爱你……（一月份演讲时他唱过Al Green这首歌）天哪！我真是擅长唱歌！说端庄的各位，我来这是干甚么的？I'm the President of the United States, and Im openning for Jimmy Kimmel? I have the nuclearcodes, why am I telling "knock knock" jokes to Kim Kardashian? Why is she famous anyway?
我可是美国总统啊，我竟然为吉米•凯莫（ABC电视台深夜脱口秀主持人）热场？我是手握核兵器的管辖（美国总统有一只广为撒布的“核按钮手提箱”，里面存放着启动美国核兵器的暗码），干吗要来这给卡戴珊讲“拍门”笑话？她到底为啥出名呢？
（卡戴珊最有名的标签是“帕丽斯•希尔顿的挚友”，她是罗伯特•卡戴珊的女儿，奥多姆的大姨子。卡戴珊因性爱而出名。）Thats it. Next year we send Biden.Now youre right. Its way too risky.
我受够了。明年让拜登替我来好了。你说得对，这么干太危险。（拜登可是口误帝）Wow, look at my hair. It really went gray. Do you think anybody would notice if I just went a little darker? Right now like a five on the "Just For Men" scale. I think I would go to 6 and nobody would notice.
哇，看我的头发。一片灰白啊！你说我若是染黑一点会有人发现不？按照“Just For Men”（有名染发产品）的标准，我目前只剩5分黑了。我感受我若是染成6分黑也该当不会有人注意吧。Is the teleprompter working? Are you kidding? What do you expect me to do out there? I literally have no idea what Im saying tonight.
提词器准备好没？（自嘲演讲全靠提词器）开甚么玩笑？那我一会上场如何语言啊？我底子不知道今晚要说点甚么。Man! I could really use a cigarette right now.
唉，目前真想抽根烟！（自嘲之前是烟鬼）Okay, okay, Im going. God forbid wekeep Chuck Todd and the cast of Glee waiting.
好了好了，这就上场。谁敢让查克•陶德（美国国家播送公司政治中心主管）和Glee剧组久等啊！Host：Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the President of the United States.
女士们先生们，掌声有请美国总统！Obama：Thank you! Good evening everybody.Good evening! I could not be more thrilled to be here tonight atthe White House Correspondents Dinner. That is great crowd. They are already laughing. Its terrific.
谢谢！早晨好各位，早晨好！本日我怀着非常冲动的心情来列席白宫记者晚宴。这观众太好了，还没最早就笑成这样，太好了！Chuck Todd -- love you, brother. I’m delighted to see some of the cast members of Glee are here. And Jimmy Kimmel, it’s an honor, man. What’s so funny?
查克•陶德，哥们我爱你哦！我很兴奋见到Glee剧组也加入了。还有吉米•凯莫，真是荣幸啊!有啥好笑的？My fellow Americans, we gather duringa historic anniversary. Last year atthis time -- in fact, on this very weekend -- we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notorious individuals.
亲爱的美国同胞们，我们欢聚在这具有历史意义的周年纪念日。去年的这个时间，现实上恰是在统一个周末，我们终于将世界上最臭名昭著的恶人处死。（“大恶人”Trump中枪，去年晚宴被凶猛吐槽）Now, this year, we gather in the midst of a heated election season. And Axelrod tells me I should never miss a chance to re introduce myself to the American people.So tonight, this is how I’d like to begin: My name is Barack Obama.My mother was born in Kansas. My father was born in Kenya. And Iwas born, of course, in Hawaii.
往年，在白热化的大选季我们再次聚会，Axelrod（奥巴马的照料）说我不该当错过任何从新向美国人平易近介绍自己的机会。所以今晚我打算就这样收场：我名叫贝拉克•奥巴马，我母亲出身在堪萨斯，我父亲出身在肯尼亚，而我出身在：当然是夏威夷。（用眨眼来自嘲对手质疑自己出生地证明事宜）In 2009, I took office in the face of some enormous challenges. Now,some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W.Bush. Since then, Congress and I have certainly had our differences; yet, I’ve tried to be civil, to not take any cheap shots. And that’s why I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight. Let’s give them a big round of applause.
2009年我就任总统时面对浩繁艰巨挑战。目前许多人说我把太多问题归咎于前任身上，但大家别忘了，这样的做法是小布什创始的。（这句自己就是推给前任）从那时起，国会跟我就矛盾不时，但我尽管连结风度，从不阴损吐槽。所以我本日要迥殊谢谢那些从无所事事的百忙傍边抽空加入的国会议员。（这就是cheap shot阴损吐槽啊）大家把热烈的掌声献给他们吧。Despite many obstacles
, much has changedduring my time in office. Four years ago, I was locked in a brutalprimary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena.
尽管险阻重重，但自我上任以来，许多事都有所窜改，四年前，我跟希拉里在初选中斗得你死我活；四年后，她一喝多就从Cartagena给我发短信（希拉里比来走红的短信照和喝酒照，Cartagena也是特工嫖妓门的发生地）。Four years ago, I was a Washingtonoutsider. Four years later, I’m at this dinner. Four years ago, It looked like this. Today, I look like this. And four years from now,I will look like this. That’s not even funny.
四年前，我是首都官场圈外人；四年后，我出目前白宫晚宴上。四年前，我长这样；四年后，我长这样；再过四年，我就会长成这样了（摩根•弗里曼）。一点也欠好笑。Anyway, it’s great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom -- or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper. I mean, look at this party.We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment. I was just relieved to learn this was not a GSA conference. Unbelievable. Not even the mind reader knew what they were thinking.
总之，我很兴奋今晚来到这宏伟光辉的希尔顿舞厅，或者用罗姆尼的话来讲叫“日久失修的小破屋”（暗指罗姆尼是富二代）。我想说，瞧这派对，有衣着燕尾服的绅士，穿晚军服的淑女，醉人美酒和一流上演——据说这不是GSA大会我才宁神（联邦当局总务署公款吃喝事宜）。难以置信啊！连读心术都看不到他们脑子里的设法（指脑袋空空）。Of course, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner is known as the prom of Washington D.C. -- aterm coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom.
当然了，白宫记者晚宴又被成为“首都卒业舞会”。发现这个词的记者显然从没真正参加过真正的卒业舞会。Our chaperone for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel -- who is perfect for the job since most of tonight’saudience is in his key demographic -- people who fall asleep during Night line. Jimmy got his start years ago on TheMan Show. In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.
我们今晚的“监护人”是吉米•凯莫（指卒业舞会的成年监护人），他是这个职位的不二人选，因为今晚观众都是他的方针人群:那些看Nightline（凯莫节目之前播出的晚新闻）睡着没关电视的人。吉米多年前在“男子秀”出道。在华盛顿，“男子秀”是关于女性避孕药品的国会听证（暗讽关于女性话题的听证会全是男子列席）。And plenty of journalists are here tonight. Id be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the Huffington Poston their Pulitzer Prize. You deserve it, Arianna. Theres no oneelse out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day. Give them a round ofapplause. And you don’t pay them -- its a great business model.
今晚浩繁媒体人加入，我必必要恭喜“赫芬顿邮报”得到普利策奖。Arianna（该报女掌门），你们当之无愧！没人能像你们一样每天“链接”到这么多的锋利新闻（指赫芬顿邮报的新闻都是盗用别家链接）。请把掌声献给他们。你们还不付原作者钱，这是种伟大的经营模式啊！Even Sarah Palin is getting back intothe game, guest hosting on The Today Show -- which reminds me of an old saying: Whats the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious. A little soy sauce.
连佩林都重返舞台了，在“今日秀”做贵客主持。这使我想起一句老话：“冰球老妈和牛头犬有甚么不同”（这句的内在是说二者一样）。牛头犬的味道好极了。（自嘲6岁吃狗肉事宜）再加点酱油。Now, I know at this point many of you are expecting me to go after my likely opponent, Newt Gingrich.Newt, theres still time, man. But Im not going to do that -- Im not going to attack any of the Republican candidates. Take MittRomney -- he and I actually have a lot in common. We both think of our wives as our better halves, and polls show, to a alarminglyinsulting extent, the American people agree. We also both have degrees from Harvard; I have one, he has two. What as nob.
目前，说道这里我知道很多人都在等候我出言攻击将来的敌手，金里奇。纽特你还来得及啊！但我不会那么做。我不会攻击任何共和党候选人。比如鲁姆你，我们两个其实有很多合营点，我们都认为自己的老婆比自己更优秀。并且平易近意调查显示，令人震惊而难堪的是，很大一部分美国人也这样认为（他俩都没老婆受欢迎）。我们都有哈佛的学位，我有一个，他有两个。真是势利小人。Of course, weve also had our differences. Recently, his campaign criticized me for slow jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon. In fact, I understand Governor Romney was so incensed he asked his staff if he could get some equal time on The Merv Griffin Show. Still, I guess Governor Romney is feeling pretty good about things because he took a few hours off the other day to see The Hunger Games -- some of you have seen it. Its amovie about people who court wealthy sponsors and then brutally savage each other until only one contestant is left standing. Im sure this was a really good change of pace for him. I have not seen The Hunger Games; not enough class warfare for me.
当然我俩也有不同之处，近年来他的竞选团队品评我和吉米•法伦表演的“最慢新闻风”。现实上，我知道罗姆尼州长气疯了，一直问手下可否上“Merv Griffin秀”（1986年就停播的电视节目）也来这么一长段。并且我举得罗姆尼比来的心情还是不错的，因为前几天他抽工夫去看了“饥饿游戏”，有些人看过了，电影讲述的是一群人围了取悦援助人残忍搏杀，直到剩下末了一名幸存者的故事。他看了这电影绝对能够转换心情啊。我还没看过“饥饿游戏”，对我来讲片中的“阶层斗争” （共和党将税务问题称为“阶层斗争”）。Of course, I know everybody is predicting a nasty election, an dthankfully, weve all agreed that families are off limits. Dogs,however, are apparently fair game. And while both campaigns have had some fun with this, the other day I saw a new ad from one of these outside groups that, frankly,I think crossed the line. I know Governor Romney says he has no control over what his super PACs do,but can we show the ad real quick? (Video is played.)
当然我知道大家都认为本届选战将会不择手段，亏得，我们都赞成祸不殃及家人。然则对于狗，显然就是公平竞争了。两边阵营都拿这事玩得很高兴。某天我看到这段竞选团队制作的，说实话，我感受过分了。我知道罗姆尼自称跟他的“超级PAC”绝无通同，我们来看一下这段张扬告白吧。（播放竞争对手罗姆尼团队制作的攻击奥巴马，我靠敢这样公开抹黑现任总统）That’s pretty rough，but I can take it,because my stepfather always told me, its a boy-eat-dog world out there.
这一段太横暴了，但我还能忍耐得住。因为我的继父经常辅导我，这是个“童咬狗”的世界（自嘲被罗姆尼阵营暴光的6岁吃狗肉事宜，双关讽刺对手“咬狗”）。Now, if I do win a second term as President, let me just say something to all the--let me just say something to all my conspiracy-oriented friendson the right who think I am planning to unleash some secret agenda:You are absolutely right. So allow me to close with a quick preview of the secret agenda you can expect in a second Obamaadministration.
目前，若是我真的博得蝉联，我想告诉所有深嗜诡计论的右派同伙，你们认为我企图进行某些隐秘计划，你们说得一点没错。所以结尾部分我要预报一下在我的第二任期内将泛起的隐秘计划。In my first term, I sang Al Green; inmy second term, Im going with Young Jeezy. Michelle said, yeah. Ising that to her sometimes. In my first term, we ended the war in Iraq; in my second term, I will win the war on Christmas. In my first term, we repealed the policy known as "dont ask, dont tell"-- wait, though;in my second term, we will replace it with a policy known as, its raining men. In my first term, we passed health carereform; in my second term, I guess Ill pass it again.
在我的第一任期我唱了Al Green的歌，在我的第二任期，我要唱Young Jeezy。米歇尔说：“好啊。”我有时间会给她唱。在我的第一任期我们竣事了伊拉克战争，在第二任期，我们会打赢“圣诞之战”（共和党上纲上线捏造的战争）。在我的第一任期，我们倾覆了“不问不说”政策（部队的鄙视同性恋政策），先别急，在我的第二任期，我们会将此政策更换成“漫天基情”（典型的男同性恋歌曲）。在我第一任期，我们通过了医保改革；在我的第二任期，我想我得再通过一次（共和党企图倾覆医保改革）。I do want to end tonight on as lightly more serious note -- whoever takes the oath of office next January will face some great challenges, but he will also in herittraditions that make us greater than the challenges we face. And one of those traditions is represented here tonight: a free press that is not afraid to ask questions, to examine and to criticize.And in service of that mission, all of you make sacrifices.
其实我想用端庄点的内容做今晚的结语，不管明年一月谁宣誓就任都会面对严峻的磨练，但他也会继承使我们能克服磨练的传统精力。今晚各位所代表的就是这样的传统精力。媒体自由让我们不怕质疑，勇于调查，直言批判。而为了这样的方针，你们所有人都做出了牺牲。Tonight, we remember journalists such as Anthony Shadid and Marie Colvin-- who made the ultimate sacrifice as they sought to shine a light on some of the most important stories of our time. So whether you are a blogger or a broadcaster, whether you take on powerful interests here at home or put yourself in harms way overseas, I have the greatest respect and admiration for what you do. I know sometimes you like to give me a hard time --and I certainly like to return the favor-- but I never forget that our country depends on you. You help protect our freedom, our democracy, and our way of life.
今晚，让我们来纪念像Anthony Shadid和Marie Colvin这样的大胆记者（都是在国外报导时殉职），他们为了将当代最重大的新闻公诸于世付出了崇高的牺牲。所以不管你是博客作者还是媒体主播，不管你是在国内尽力报导还是在海外身处险境，我都对你们的事业表示最高的尊重和敬意。我知道有时间你们喜欢让我难堪，我也非常想以牙还牙。但我从未忘掉我们的国家需要你们。你们帮我们捍卫自由、民主和我们的生活方式。（本次演讲的精髓正题，标榜美国的民主媒体言论自由）And just to set the record straight,I really do enjoy attending these dinners. In fact, I had a lot more material prepared, but I have to get the Secret Service home in time for their new curfew.
最后说点直接的，我非常喜欢参加这样的晚宴。我本来准备了很多段子，但我得让特勤局特工们早点回家向老婆报到（自嘲特勤局特工集体招妓事件，此时镜头切换给毫无表情的总统保镖们）。Thank you very much, everybody. Thankyou.
非常谢谢各位，谢谢！选自互联网
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