英汉双语笑话集锦1-bilingual joke collection one

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I Wasn't Asleep　　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"　　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.　　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."　　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."　　我没有睡着　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！”　　　 “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。　　　 “没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？”　　　 “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”The poor husband"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.可怜的丈夫“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的Where is the father?　　　 Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.　　　 "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" 　　　 "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"　　　 The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."　　父亲在哪儿？　　　兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。　　　 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”　　　 “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”　　　哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”　Does the dog know the proverb,　too?　　　 The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.　　　 "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"　　　 "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"　　狗也知道这个谚语吗？　　　一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。　　　“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”　　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”A Smart Housewife.　　A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"　　精明的家庭主妇　　一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太好了！一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就可以把煤全都省下来了吗？”

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