《读者文摘》杂志选编的几个笑话

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爸爸是一个信奉“安全第一”的人。一次和好朋友们去度假，他被说服去参加水上降落项目。他在摩托艇后部，把钩子挂住降落伞，并紧张地问飞行员：“你们多久换一次绳子？” 飞行员友善地回答：“每当它断的时候。”原文如下： Dad's a safety-first kind of guy.But while vacationing with some buddies,he was talked into going parasailing.He was on the back of the boat getting hooked into the parachute when he nervously asked the pilot,"How often do you replace the rope?" The pilot helpfully replied,"Every time it breaks."原载于美国《读者文摘》亚洲版2009年7月号151页三名精神病医生都十分赞同人们会带着问题去找他们，但是他们有了问题就不知道该找谁了，所以他们决定，相互听一下对方最深刻，最黑暗的秘密。第一个医生坦白，“我是一个有强迫倾向的顾客，特别是在债务方面。所以我总是向病人多收费。” 第二个医生承认，“我有毒瘾，并且迫使我的病人为我买毒品。” 第三个医生说，“我知道这是不对的，不过不管我怎么尝试，我就是不能帮别人保守秘密。”原文如下 Three psychiatrists agree that people always come to them with thier problems,but they have no-one to go to with thiers,so they decide to listen to one another's deepest,darkest secrets. The first confesses,"I'm a compulsive shopper,deeply in debt.So I always overbill patients." The second admits,"I have a drug problem,and I pressure my patients into buying drugs for me." The third says,"I know it's wrong,but no matter how hard I try,I just can't keep a secret."原载于美国《读者文摘》亚洲版2009年7月号56页在充斥着十几岁的互联网“企业家”的那些日子里，当在网上购物时，非常容易忘记你可能总是没有在和一个大型的有组织的公司打交道。我最近给一个网站发邮件去询问为什么我订购的商品还没有到达。不久，我接到一个可爱的电话。“很抱歉我们延误了，”一个年轻的男子说。“我会核查然后再通知你。我现在不能连接到网络因为我妈妈在用吸尘器，这个房间只有一个插座。” In these days of teenage Internet entrepreneurs,it's very easy to forget,when shopping onlines,that you may not always be dealing with a large,highly organised corporation. I recently e-mailed one website to enquire why my goods had not yet arrived.Later,I received a charming telephone call.'sorry for the delay,' said a young male voice.'I'll check and get back to you.I can't access the Net at the moment because my mum's vacuuming and this room only has one socket.'原文载于美国<读者文摘>杂志亚洲版2006年10月号第142页在一次晚间家长会上，我遇见一位妈妈，她的孩子在课堂上很容易分心。我问她在家的时候是否注意到这个问题。这位妈妈凝神盯了一会地上，然后说：“这个大楼的地板是新的，不是吗？”原文如下 One parents' evening,I met the mother of a child who was too easily distracted during lessons.I asked her if she had noticed this problem at home. The mother looked thughtfully at the ground for some moments then said,"This block flooring is new,isn't it?"原文载于美国《读者文摘》杂志2009年10月号9页一个醉汉走进一家药店，要买一瓶漱口水。 “我不会卖给你那玩意的，”药剂师说，“你会把它当酒精喝掉，然后醉倒在我的门口。” “不会的！”醉鬼坚持道。“这是一年来我第一次约会，我想给对方留下个好印象。” “哦，对不起，给你。”药剂师从货架上拿下一瓶漱口水放在柜台上。醉汉盯着看了一下，“能不能拿瓶冰的？”原文如下：A drunk walks into a drugstore and asks for a bottle of mouthwash."I'm not selling that,"says the pharmacist."You'll drink it for the alcohol and get sick outside my door!""Not ture!"insists the drunk."I have my first date in over a year,and I want to make a good impression.""Oh,I'm sorry.Here."The pharmacist takes a bottle of mouthwash off the shelf and puts it on the counter.The drunk stares at it."Got one that's been refrigerated?"原载于美国《读者文摘》2009年10月号60页

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