赖世雄读英语笑话学英语笑话之性与爱笑话(1)：老马识途(双语)

Unit 1 Its Advantages 老马识途

A young vice-president of a bad had embezzled ＄200,000, and squandered it at the race track. The bank examiners were due the next day, and there was no way he could conceal his crime. What’s more, when he told the sad tale to his wife, she packed her bags and left him.
一位年轻的银行副总裁挪用了二十万美金的公款，并悉数浪费在赛马上，银行的督察第二天就要来视察，而他也没办法隐瞒他的不法行为。更糟的是，当他把此一不幸的消息告诉他老婆时，她竟收拾行李，离他而去。

Totally despondent, the young man headed for the nearest bridge and prepared to throw himself into the river. Just as he was about to leap off, a hideous old hag ran up to him, shouting for him to stop.
年轻人非常沮丧地走向离家最近的一座桥想投河自尽。就在他要跳下水时，一位面目可憎的老巫婆跑上前去，制止了他的行动。

“You don’t understand,” explained the banker, and told her about his predicament.
“你不了解我的痛苦，”银行家说道，并且把他的困境告诉老巫婆。

“Ha-ha,” chortled the hag. “Why, that’s nothing. It just so happens that I’m a witch, and I can solve all you problems.”
“哈哈！”巫婆咯咯地笑“，那也没什么，刚好我是个女巫，我可以解决你所有的难题。”

The witch seemed to concentrate, made some mystic signs and uttered a series of bizarre phrases.
接着女巫似乎全神专注地在空中比划一些玄妙的符号，口中还念着一大串奇怪的话。

“There you are,” she said triumphantly. “Not only is the money returned, but there’s another ＄200,000 in your safe deposit box. And your wife is back at home and the whole matter has been erased from her memory.”
“你的问题我都帮你解决了，”她得意洋洋地说道“，不仅要回了你那二十万，你的保险柜里面还多了二十万美金！你太太也已回家，而且我已从她的记忆中除去了这件不愉快的事！”

“My God, can this really be true?” exclaimed the man.
“我的天啊，你说的是真的吗？”那个人说道。

“Of course,” replied the hag. “But if you want to keep it true, you must do one thing. You must take me to a hotel and screw my brains out.”
“当然啦！”巫婆回答道“，但是你如果要我保持目前这个状况的话，就必须答应我一件事，带我到旅社并和我做爱一个晚上。”

The man gulped, for the old woman was truly hideous, and smelt horrible as well. But seeing no alternative, he did as she requested, and holding his nose and averting his eyes, performed his duty manfully all night.
那个老兄吞了一口口水，因为女巫不但长像可怕，而且浑身臭气逼人。由于别无选择，他答应了她的要求，整个晚上他屏住气息，别过脸避开巫婆的视线，不停地履行他的承诺。

In the morning, as he was getting dressed, the repulsive crone turned to him and said, “Sonny, how old are you anyway?”
隔天早上，银行家正在穿衣服，那令人厌恶的丑老太婆面向他问道“：小老弟，你究竟多大年纪呢？”

“Thirty-three,” replied the executive.
“三十三，”老兄答道。

“And don’t you think you’re a little bit old to believe in withes?”
你不认为你实在年长得可以不相信有巫婆的存在了吗？”

英语知识点解说：

1.advantage n. 利益
take advantage of... 利用／占……的便宜
=make use of...
例：Do you really think Dirty Danny would take advantage of an innocent girl like that?
（你真的认为下流的丹尼会对那样一位天真的女孩占便宜吗？）

2.vice-president n. 副总裁

3.embezzle vt. 挪用（公款）

4.squander vt. 浪费（时间、金钱）
例：Don't squander your money on video games.
（别把你的钱浪费在游戏机上。）

5.race track n. 赛马场

6.examiner n. 审查员；检查员
examinee n. 应试者；受审者
例：The examiner examined the examinee mercilessly during the oral examination.
（口试时，主考官毫不留情地考问应试者。）

7.due a. 到期的；起因于；预定到达的（本文作此解）；适当的
due to... 由于……
in due time 假以时日；时机一到
例：It is comforting to believe that everyone will get his due reward.
（每个人都会得到适当的报应，这个信念令人慰藉。）
Margaret is due (to deliver a child) in August.
（玛格丽特预定八月生产。）
It is believed that Dave's failure was due completely to his laziness.
（大家相信戴夫的失败完全是他懒惰的结果。）
Work hard, and you'll be successful in due time.
（你若努力，假以时日一定会成功。）

8.conceal vt. 隐藏
例：Little children haven't yet learned to conceal their true feelings.
（小孩子还没学会隐藏他们真实的感情。）

9.crime n. 犯罪行为
commit a crime 犯罪
例：Have you ever been tempted to commit a crime?
（你曾有犯罪的企图吗？）

10.what's more 尤有甚者
=furthermore
例：I've lost my job, I've been kicked out of my apartment, and my car's been repossessed. What's more, my girlfriend has just dumped me.
（我失业了，又被赶出公寓，车子也卖了。更糟的是，我的女友也把我甩了。）

11.tale n. 故事
tell a tale 说个故事
例：Sit down and let me tell you a tale that will make your hair stand on end.
（坐下来，我给你讲个让你听了会毛骨悚然的故事。）

12.despondent a. 无精打采的；沮丧的

13.head for... 向……出发

14.hideous a. 可怕的 ；面目可憎的

15.hag n. 老丑的女人，母夜叉

16.predicament n. 困境
be in a predicament 陷于困境中
例：You got yourself into this predicament, so you'll have to get yourself out of it.
（是你自己找的麻烦，因此你必须自求多福！）

17.chortle vi. 咯咯地笑

18.That's nothing 那没什么。

19.It happens that... 正巧……

20.concentrate vt. & vi. 专注；集中
concentrate on sth 全神贯注于某事
=focus on sth
=be attentive to sth
例：The woman who sits in front of me at my office is so attractive that I can't concentrate on my work.
（办公室中坐在我前面的女人是那么有魅力，害我无法专心工作。）

21.mystic a. 神秘的

22.bizarre a. 古怪的
bazaar n. 市集

23.triumphant a. 得意洋洋的
triumphantly ad. 得意洋洋地

24.deposit vt. 储存；放置 & n. 存款
例：I made a deposit at the bank yesterday.
（昨天我在银行存了一些钱。）

25.erase vt. 擦掉；使忘却
eraser n. 橡皮擦
例：What the Americans call "erasers" the British call "rubbers." But in American slang, "rubbers" means "prophylactics."
（美国人所称的橡皮擦"erasers" ，英国人叫做rubbers ，但在美国俚语 中，rubbers 这个字的意思是保险套。）
* prophylactic n. 预防药；保险套

26.screw one's brains out 绞尽脑汁
本文中指把人搞得精疲力瘁

27.gulp vi. 吞口水，倒吸一口气

28.alternative n. 选择
have no alternative but to V 除了……别无他途可循：
=have no choice but to V
=have no option but to V
例：You have no alternative but to pay the ransom.
（除了付赎金之外，你别无选择）

29.avert vt. 避开（目光、视线等）

30.manfully ad. 有丈夫气概地；勇敢地

31.repulsive a. 令人厌恶的
repulse vt. 击退；拒绝
例：The brave company repulsed the attackers again and again.
（这一连的英勇士兵一次又一次击退来犯的敌人。）

32.crone n. 干瘪的丑老太婆

33.executive n. 执行长；主管

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