外国最新英语幽默笑话精粹62：狂人马丁 (中英)

Once upon a time，this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

很久以前，一个名叫佛瑞德的人觉得自己足够凶悍和强壮，所以决定去美国西部蛮荒地区闯荡。

So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and tough he was，and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up fights and didn’t skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he (Fred) was doing a fine job，but he should remember one thing: “lf you ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town,just save what you can，put  a bottle of Red  Eye on  the counter, and head out of town as fast as you can.”

佛瑞德来到了西部边境一个小镇的酒吧里做了一名酒吧招待，很快他就证明了他的强悍与凶狠。当酒吧老板看到他分开酒吧里打架的人们，并且很少揩油，就很高
兴地告诉佛瑞德他做的不错，但是一定要记住一件事:“如果你听说有传言狂人马丁要来到小镇，你要把能收好的东西收好，在柜台上放一瓶‘赤珠’鸡尾酒，然后尽快地离开小镇。”

Fred was pretty perplexed at this, and sought explanation. He was told that  Mad Martin was an old mountain man who lived up in the hills and only came to town once or twice a year. However, Martin was the most dangerous guy they'd ever heard of and few had ever encountered him and lived to tell the tale. Fred listened carefully and then promptly forgot all about it.

佛瑞德对这些话感到非常困惑，努力想知道为什么要这样之后，他被告知这个狂人马丁是住在山里的一个巨人，他每年要有一次或两次到山下的小镇来。当然，马
丁是他们所听到过的最危险的人。几乎没有人能见到马丁后活着回来讲有关于马丁的故事。佛瑞德虽然听得很认真，但是很快他就忘了这些。

Until，one day a few months later, a cowboy came riding through town at full speed, yelling, "Martin's coming. Head for the hills I” The result was incredible. Everybody in town immediately jumped on their horses and took off for the hills except Fred. He wanted to see this guy because he didn’t believe he could be all that tough. So, Fred just put the bottle of Red Eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and waited.

直到几个月以后的一天，一个牛仔骑着马全速地穿过小镇大声喊着:“马丁来了!快到山上去!”这喊声后果真是不可思议。小镇里的每个人迅速地骑上他们的马逃到山上去了。只剩下了佛瑞德，他想看看这个家伙到底什么样子，因为他根本不信他有那么可怕。他在柜台上放了一瓶“赤珠”鸡尾酒以后，就躲在柜台后面等着。

He didn’t wait long. Soon there was a noise in the street. As Fred looked out a hole in the wall，he saw this huge, mean-looking guy ride down the  center of the street on the biggest bull buffalo that Fred had ever seen. The guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast, punched it in the head and bellowed, "Wait here till I get back!”

他没等多久就听到了街上的声音。当他从墙上的洞向外看时，他看到一个身材高大，长相丑陋的家伙骑着一头佛瑞德从来没见过的大野牛从街中间走来。那个家伙骑着野牛在酒吧门前停了下来，从那野牛身上下来时候还打了一下它的头说:“在这儿等着我回来!”

The fellow turned and walked up the steps. Fred saw that the guy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes. He tied them both to a post and kicked them sound1y, hollering, "You pussycats stay here till I'm done !”The cats fearfully sat down.

那个家伙转过身走了进来。佛瑞德看到他还牵着两只巨大的山狮，他把它们拴栓到一个柱子上踢了一脚大声叫道:“你们这些小猫在这儿等我!”它们就乖乖地坐了。

Into the bar stormed the fellow, ripping the doors off the wall as he passed. Wiith two strides he approached the bar, picked up the bottle of Red Eve, bit off the neck, and downed it all in one gulp. Poor Fred，thoroughly frightened by now, let out a little whimper. The guy looked down over the bar and roared，"Who the hell do you think you’re looking at!?”

那个家伙走进酒吧，踢倒了大门。两步就走到了柜台前并把那瓶酒仰起脖子一口气喝完了。可怜的佛瑞德现在可害怕了，他不小心出了一点小声。那个家伙向下
一看然后大吼:“你到底知不知道你在看着的是谁?!”

Fred managed to say，"N…n…n… nothing, mister. Do you want another bottle of Red Eye? "

佛瑞德吓得说:“没……没什么事!大人!你想再来一杯吗?”

To which the fellow replied，"Hell no! I don’t have time! 1 got to get out of here - -Mad Martin’s coming!"

那个家伙回答道:“当然不要!我没有时间了!我得离开这里，你不知道么?狂人马丁来了!”

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