英汉双语笑话5

1.

Accident

Workman：“Mr．Brown，I should like to ask for a smallrise in my wages． I have just been married．”

Employer：“Very sorry，my dear man， but I can't helpyou． For accidents which happen to our workmen outside thefactory we are not responsible．”

事故

工人：“布朗先生，我想请您给我加一点工资。我刚刚结了婚。”

雇主：“非常抱歉，老兄，但是我无能为力。对工人在厂外发生的事故我们概不负责。”

2.

An Explanation of Tardiness

In some Government offices the clerks， upon arrival in themorning， have to sign their names in an“attendance book”．This book provides space for signature， time of arrival， and“remarks”． Ten minutes after the hour an official draws a redline under the last arrival's name， and all those coming subsequently are expected to furnish an explanation of their tardinessin the“remarks” column．

When a real“London particular①” occurs the number“below the line” is legion ；the first of them wirtes：“Delayedby fog，” and the rest scribble a“ditto”．

One morning—a foggy one—Mr． Jones became a proud father；but even this only caused him to be about eleven minutes late． Proudly he wrote in explanation：“Wife had twins，”which was followed in due course by the usual string of “ditto's”！

迟到的原因

在一些政府机关里，每天早晨到达办公室时职员们都要在一本“签到簿”上签上他们的名字。这本签到簿留出空格签名，写签到时间，还有“备注”。上班时间过后十分钟，一个官员就在最后一个人的名字下面划一道红线。以后来的每一个人都必须在“备注”栏里注明迟到的原因。

当真正的“伦敦大雾”出现的时候，“红线以下”的名字就很多。第一个迟到的人写上“因大雾延误时间”，其他的人，在下面草草写上“丷”（同上）。

一天早上——一个大雾迷漫的早晨——琼斯先生骄傲地当上了父亲；但即使是这种事也只让他迟到了十一分钟。他自豪地写上他的原因：“妻子生了一对双胞胎，”到一定的时候，这个解释下面照例又跟了一串“丷”。

3.

What Was It She Wanted？

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？”

“Rain．” said the clerk．

她要买什么？

一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：“不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。”经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：“当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。”然后经理把店员拉到一边：“千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么——说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么？”

4.

我想不到已经往回跑了这么远！

A big battle was going on during the First World War．Guns were firing， and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere．After an hour of this， one of the soldiers decidedthat the fighting was getting too dangerous for him， so he leftthe front line and began to go away from the battle． After hehad walked for an hour，he saw an officer coming towardshim． The officer stopped him and said，“ where are you going？”

“I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battlethat's going on behind us， sir，” the soldier answered．

“Do you know who I am？” the officer said to him angrily．“I'm your commanding officer．”

The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said，“My God，I didn't know that I was so far back already！”

第一次世界大战期间，一场大战役正在进行。枪炮轰鸣，炮弹和子弹到处乱飞。这样过了一个小时后，一个士兵认定战斗对他来说变得太危险了，所以他离开前线开始逃离战场。步行了一个小时之后，他看见一个军官向他走过来。那军官叫住他说：“你要到哪儿去？”

“长官，我正尽可能远地躲开我们身后正在进行的战役，”士兵回答说。

“你知道我是谁吗？”军官生气地对他说：“我是你的指挥官。”

那士兵听到此话感到非常惊讶，说：“天哪，我想不到我已经往回跑了这么远了！”

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